#at least one convo a day about birthday plans) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkscowardschampions · 5 months ago

Text

Jali

Ali: Is your brother okay?

Johnny: More or less

Ali: I didn’t know that convo would go so south so quick

Ali: are you with him?

Johnny: He’s under my eye, don’t worry yourself

Ali: I’m glad

Ali: the girl that was at his birthday, she’s not invited, you can tell him that if you think it’ll make him feel better

Johnny: I’ve told him I need help [fixing something he absolutely does not] but I’ll add about her on as we are

Ali: and we’re okay, aren’t we

Johnny: Do you remember what I said and stand by?

Ali: Yeah but

Ali: that was before I ruined everyone’s day with my stupid party idea, like

Johnny: No

Johnny: don’t talk about the girl I love like that

Ali: Johnny

Ali: you don’t want to come, do you?

Johnny: I can’t

Johnny: I’d come if I could

Ali: What if I invite loads of people, make it look like a free-for-all

Johnny: You can’t

Johnny: you’re behaving well under your mammy’s eye

Ali: I’ll miss you though

Ali: I’m trying to spend time with them all before we leave but I still spend most of the time thinking about you

Johnny: I dreamt of you again last night

Johnny: maybe I knew you’d be away from me this night

Ali: I’ve tried to read your mind before, to see what you’re dreaming

Ali: but you’re too handsome, I can’t focus to use my magic, you’ll have to tell me instead

Johnny: The crib was finished and painted and you lay a baby in it

Johnny: a name came to me

Ali: What are they called?

Johnny: It’s too soon to tell you, the crib’s not built and they’re not born

Ali: Oh, I see

Ali: secret between you two

Johnny: I’ll not know I’ve a son until he’s lay between us and my daughter won’t be given a boy name like my wife’s got

Ali: Hey, you like my name lots

Ali: and I like it all the more for how it looks on you and sounds from your mouth

Johnny: For being yours, I like all parts of you

Ali: I love you

Ali: you’re a good brother, you stood up for him

Johnny: Moses isn’t and the more he’s reminded, the more the rest are not to follow him on his crooked path leading nowhere good

Ali: Exactly, it made me proud of you, the way you are always does

Ali: at least Ronan does have you too, not just Moses

Johnny: I don’t know what’ll become of him, or of my brother and the babies, when we go

Ali: I wish there was a way to stay, I pray that there will be one

Johnny: I pray too, but that they’ll be alright for our going, it’s the only way

Ali: A better prayer

Ali: it’s for my own sake that I don’t want you to feel like I stole you away

Johnny: Stole does away with what you’re giving me

Ali: It’s everything for everything, and it’s mutual

Johnny: It’s for my own sake I have to leave with you, you know

Ali: I know, we’re leaving for us too

Ali: doesn’t make it easy, you don’t have to pretend with me

Johnny: Easy’s for 2nd sons or those like Moses, I’ve never had it be

Ali: It will be with me

Johnny: Will I gatecrash your little girl party?

Ali: You’ve not got caught seeing me every night since you got back

Johnny: Have you a costume for us?

Ali: A costume that you’ll like to see me in or a costume to hide you from everyone else?

Ali: because both, I can definitely make both happen 😁😁

Johnny: Both then

Ali: you’ll really come

Ali: and you’ll really let me dress you

Johnny: You’ve my word

Ali: and you’re not JUST coming to keep an eye on your brother

Ali: can be the first reason but I’ll be a bit offended if it’s the only, like

Johnny: He’d stay at my elbow, and with the convincing of an elder who don’t take much, his earned drink at our finish would turn into a lock in

Johnny: but I’ve got reason to make other plans

Ali: You’ve been away too much

Johnny: Your need to miss me has gone on too long

Ali: I’ll not have to be from you longer than that when we’re married

Ali: I can come with you on long jobs, can’t I

Johnny: Family men don’t take on long jobs, when we’re married you won’t have to worry yourself where I am

Ali: That makes sense

Ali: you know I trust you, I’ve never even considered otherwise

Johnny: You’ve knowing I’ll never give you cause not to, smart girl

Ali: Tell me why

Johnny: I’m committed to you

Ali: And you love me

Johnny: And I love you, Ali

Ali: I’m not used to hearing it yet

Ali: you’ll have to put up with me asking you to say it for a little bit longer, maybe forever

Johnny: Maybe I’ll say it more

Ali: I’ll earn it

Ali: not all my ideas are this bad

Johnny: You’ve earned what I’ve told you before about the no maybe in getting used to you, the idea it goes both ways can’t be bad

Johnny: your party neither or I wouldn’t come

Ali: If I woke up from bumping my head in the psych ward car park, I’d be crushed but maybe not surprised

Ali: everything about you is too good to be true

Johnny: Now I’ll have to crush you with my body ‘til you feel the weight of how true this is in my soul

Ali: You might get stuck to me

Ali: your name keeps opening up

Johnny: I might chain us to each other, you’ve given the chance with your good thinking

Ali: I really will swallow that key

Johnny: I’d let you without jealousy of it

Ali: You’ve no need of jealousy when it’s all about you

Johnny: I’ve some for that key being inside you but it’s for the good so’s we can’t be pulled apart

Ali: I’ll just have to find us a corner of my house you’ve not seen yet and you can be

Ali: that’s why this is a costume party

Johnny: Only you’d recognise us anywhere and you mean to prove it

Ali: Yeah

Ali: in every life too, I told you, I know you

Johnny: I remember all you tell me

Ali: I know, I talk too much

Ali: but you’re the only one I listen to

Johnny: Your talk’s company for me

Johnny: he’s stubborn in his silence

Ali: Might he talk to Ronan, it might be something embarrassing but he’d not mind telling him

Johnny: Do you know what it might be?

Ali: like I said, could be that girl

Ali: I don’t know that I’d want to talk to my big brother about that

Johnny: He can bring any of his troubles to me, that’s the use of big brothers, what I’m for

Ali: Of course you’d be there for him whatever

Ali: but I’m saying I might feel that’s not a good enough reason to bother mine with, or a big sister ‘cos I’m a girl, whatever

Johnny: It’s no bother unless the girl makes herself one

Ali: I’ve told my brother to make sure she doesn’t, she was only a bit too keen to his indifferent

Johnny: Right

Ali: I don’t know, I only have guesses

Johnny: Guesses not a guess

Johnny: What else might it be?

Ali: I mean, the other day he had to help Carly out with this guy, one of her ma’s

Ali: I dunno, it was a while ago but maybe because Carly is in the chat and will be at the party he’s thinking on it again?

Johnny: Why’s this the 1st I’m hearing of his helping her?

Johnny: was it when I was away or here?

Ali: She didn’t tell me ‘til after, and the guy didn’t do anything, he ran off so no one got hurt

Ali: it was around his birthday

Johnny: You didn’t tell me at all

Ali: I didn’t know that I should

Johnny: ‘Course you should he’s my brother

Ali: If he’d been hurt or in trouble, ‘course I would

Ali: but it wasn’t like that, he just did the decent thing of not leaving her alone with some creep

Johnny: It’ll be her he don’t want there, he’s on edge for her acting up again and the trouble she brings

Ali: There won’t be any trouble at mine

Ali: under the eye of my mammy, remember

Johnny: Hers needs taking in hand

Ali: By who

Johnny: We can’t have men of that sort ‘round

Ali: No one wants that, Carly more than anyone

Johnny: Your pal Carly’s after attention more than anyone

Johnny: but I’ll see to it my sisters, cousins and nieces aren’t put in harm's way for that ‘van’s lawless carry on

Ali: Bartley already did

Johnny: He saw to him not her mammy, who’s the real problem

Ali: How are you going to sort her

Johnny: What’s to be done with her is for the elders to decide

Johnny: but she’s been warned, they’re sure to have her out

Ali: You think?

Johnny: There’s no one lower than men who go for kids and she’s as wrong for turning her blind eye

Ali: I know that

Johnny: Enough’s enough

Ali: I dread to think how long it’s been going on

Johnny: Exactly

Ali: Where’s the end for Carly though

Johnny: She’s no business living here, mine’s protecting my family that do while I’m still on site to

Ali: I’m not saying it's your job to

Johnny: I wouldn’t see her hurt, I told you

Ali: I just wish her ma cared

Johnny: It’s not your job to mammy her, good as you are

Ali: Someone has to or what happens to her

Johnny: What does when we leave?

Ali: I can still talk to her

Johnny: It’s best they’re away before we are, the timing’s a blessing

Ali: A blessing for who?

Johnny: You, Ronan, all the girls of my family I’m leaving behind, Moses even

Ali: It helps clear your conscience for leaving

Johnny: You aren’t going to have no time to help her when you’ve proper babies to look after

Ali: I will, because I won’t have to work too

Johnny: It’s full time work not your paper round

Ali: Yeah but I’d be expected to get a proper job on top of it too if I wasn’t with you, is my point

Johnny: You’re expected to give your all to it, by me

Johnny: messing with Carly don’t fit into your day

Ali: What, you don’t believe I will now

Johnny: Well, will you?

Johnny: or do you care more for your life how it is now

Ali: I can’t believe you’re actually asking me that

Johnny: If you’re not ready, that answers why there’s no baby yet

Ali: Make it my fault

Johnny: You can’t keep a foot in, we’re both making sacrifices to get what we want

Ali: Yeah, we are

Ali: and you’re leaving a solid family behind whilst mine is barely hanging on by a thread

Ali: this could be the final straw, do you understand that

Johnny: Carly isn’t your family, you’ve known her a summer

Ali: She doesn’t have one

Johnny: You can’t give us both a new family of our own and you chose me

Ali: I know what I chose

Ali: it’s you who’s unconvinced

Johnny: I’m convinced it’s best she goes and you let her

Ali: It isn’t remotely up to me

Johnny: You know what decisions are yours

Ali: I know

Johnny: There’s no getting to have your cake and eat it

Ali: Because it’s all about me and what I want

Johnny: God tests us, he is

Ali: You don’t trust me like you said you did

Johnny: You didn’t tell me about this

Ali: I’m not trying to get between you and your brother, that’s how it felt

Johnny: It feels as if you don’t trust me neither

Ali: I trust you

Ali: I know how you feel about Carly so I don’t bring her up

Johnny: You knew I’d act to keep everyone safe and kept it to yourself to keep her here

Ali: That’s bullshit, the guy was dealt with, that was the end of it as far as I was concerned

Johnny: That 1 were, but it’s not the end and by god it’s important

Ali: There’s a reason she’s not been kicked out yet, clearly

Ali: like I said, she hasn’t just started to be like this

Johnny: Reason being there’s ways enough for men to be disgraces without anyone reckoning ‘em to be a danger to kids like that

Ali: Come on, this is not the first time that a man she’s brought back has been a blatant creep, not even since I met them

Johnny: I’ve not been keeping the eye on things I should then

Ali: There are as many who’d not have it be your business, to leave them well alone, there has to be for them to still be here

Johnny: If Bartley’d have it be his, it’s mine

Ali: He just saw, they were outside

Ali: she didn’t ask him to any more than he went looking to be a hero

Johnny: As you said, he did the decent thing

Ali: Yeah

Johnny: But without saying a word to me either

Ali: He knows how you feel about her too

Johnny: And?

Johnny: What does he feel for her to suddenly owe the loyalty of his mouth shut?

Ali: I imagine he just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of telling anyone

Ali: why piss you off if he can avoid it

Johnny: No

Ali: What do you mean, no?

Johnny: I’m no eejit

Ali: No, they haven’t, Jesus Christ

Ali: He would never

Johnny: She would and does

Ali: It’s irrelevant if he’s no interest

Johnny: Anyone can be lead into temptation

Ali: That’s what I am now

Johnny: This isn’t about you and me

Ali: I’m not stupid either

Johnny: Have you not been telling me of this too?

Ali: There’s nothing for me to tell

Johnny: Christ Almighty

Ali: You’ve made your mind up to see me in the worst light

Ali: How can it be keeping a secret when I don’t see it as one

Johnny: You’ve a mind to protect her instead of talking to me

Ali: If I was protecting anyone it’d be you

Johnny: From what?

Ali: From getting hurt, from putting yourself in the middle of all this when no one else will do anything else about it, again

Johnny: Someone has to

Ali: You aren’t in charge here, there’s all the people above you, they’d need to decide to act

Johnny: I’m in charge of my brother & he’s who’ll be hurt by how she acts

Ali: If he’s told her no, it’s the end of it

Johnny: And if he’s not, I’ll knock the sense into him to put an end to it, same as Moses

Ali: Do you think that’s what stopped him

Johnny: Don’t tell me you think you know better than me

Ali: He just got bored and moved on to another target

Johnny: & she’s my little brother in her sights now, like

Ali: There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better

Ali: I’d tell her to back off but she already has and you reckon on doing it yourself so

Johnny: Thanks a million

Ali: For fuck’s sake

Johnny: On you go and warn your pal Carly I’m onto her, that’s what you do

Ali: Now you just sound fucking ridiculous

Johnny: Maybe ‘cause you’re out to make a fucking fool of me

Ali: Why would I do that, why would I want that

Johnny: I don’t know

Johnny: I reckoned I knew what you wanted

Ali: You’re the one who’s changed their mind

Johnny: Don’t make it my fault you’ve so many secrets

Ali: Because any of that compares to you thinking there’s no baby and thinking it’s my fault

Ali: all whilst playing along

Johnny: You have to be sure or there won’t be

Ali: Am I meant to dignify that with a response

Johnny: Yeah, you are

Ali: I’ve given you everything, told you everything I want

Johnny: But giving her up

Ali: I’m giving everyone up to be with you, that’s what it means, us leaving, for both of us

Johnny: I wasn’t just playing along

Johnny: I pray there’s a baby, that there’ll be 13 each of them as we’ve both said

Ali: But you don’t think there is

Johnny: It feels like everything’s going to shit and we’ve not even left yet, how’ll they be when I’m away

Ali: If you’ve changed your mind about going

Johnny: No

Ali: I always knew you’d struggle

Johnny: You know how important you are to me

Ali: So’s your family

Ali: if you make it so I’m trying to change that then you’re going to resent me

Johnny: I had no reason to reckon he had need of me still but here I am faced with it

Ali: You’ll do what you have to do

Johnny: I can’t do right by everyone but I have to

Ali: Do you know why my sister starves herself

Johnny: Why?

Ali: Because we got separated

Ali: don’t tell me I’m not sure when I know what making that permanent means

Johnny: It’s not meant to be this much of a struggle when we’re doing what we and God want

Ali: It isn’t God’s will, it’s everyone else's

Ali: you can’t control theirs any more than me staying would stop her, it’s what she says but it’s not true, not now

Johnny: I’m at fault, I don’t have the strong will we need

Ali: You do

Johnny: How can you say so?

Ali: You’ve done so much no one would think you could already, I’ve seen it

Johnny: I’ve done the unthinkable letting you believe I doubt you when really I doubt myself

Ali: you’re allowed to be torn, to understand what’s at stake, you need to

Johnny: I’m not to tear at you

Ali: Do you feel like we don’t talk though, really

Johnny: We talk, it’s him who don’t to us

Ali: I’m sorry, I know how that must feel

Johnny: Your sister’s starving herself you know worse

Ali: I can’t make her stop, I don’t know how, if it’s possible

Johnny: Some things can’t be up to you

Ali: Back at you, boy

Johnny: Don’t you talk back to me, girl

Ali: 😏

Johnny: What are we to do?

Ali: There’s only one decision for you to make tonight

Johnny: Is there?

Ali: Yeah

Ali: are you coming to my party or are you not

Johnny: Would you still have me?

Ali: You know the answer

Johnny: You need an eye kept on you too, mine

Ali: I knew you didn’t trust me, like

Johnny: Your body’s got my baby inside it, I trust nobody near you

Ali: Then you know where you need to be

Johnny: [send her a pic of chain and padlocks that you ofc have because what you said before about chaining yourselves together]

Johnny: I stand by it

Ali: I hate fighting with you

Johnny: It’s as hard being back as the job I went away with were, the work of everyone

Ali: There’s no going back to before you, before us

Johnny: Been talk from my daddy today for me to take another on, same as before

Ali: What are you thinking?

Johnny: I don’t want to but there’s no telling him

Ali: what you get for doing your job so well

Ali: Is it longer

Johnny: Double the time sent off but so’s the money

Ali: We’ll lose the key then

Johnny: And get lost ourselves

Ali: You only just got back

Ali: what am I meant to do with myself if you leave

Johnny: I can’t

Ali: We’ll go

Johnny: We’ve only [and however much money he has saved as if the total isn’t enough when we all know it’s loads but I get it]

Ali: I could come on your job with you

Johnny: [tell her who else is coming with you, not any of these boys obvs except maybe Moses if we wanna be really mean haha, but if not literally his dad who maybe is, which full shade to you sir if you are cos what I said about family men, then some other fam which means she cannot]

Ali: Obviously I’d have to stay nearby

Johnny: Be a brave little girl

Ali: Do you just want space

Johnny: Do you want to take our ‘van to stay in? You’d be safe

Ali: Yes

Johnny: [talk about whatever you’d need to sort to make that a possibility like okay then this is what we’re gonna do]

Johnny: I’ll let you help

Ali: Can we

Ali: I won’t leave, make a sound

Johnny: I told you everybody else has forgot where it is and wouldn’t notice it move if it did

Johnny: God’s in the mood to test us, we’ll test that

Ali: No one is going to notice

Ali: and I can look after you

Johnny: They’d never recognise it neither, all we’ve busied ourselves with

Ali: It’s our home

Ali: and I’ll [some job that you’ve been meaning to do] before we leave

Johnny: Do you reckon you’ll feel the baby before we leave?

Ali: I want to, more than anything

Johnny: [tell her about some cute gypsy things girls do when they wanna get pregnant/think they might be and wanna find out/give themselves good vibes, because if they don’t exist I’m saying they do in your fam anyway cos I can, that you shouldn’t even know about cos you’re a boy but you’ve heard your sisters and healer nan we’ve mentioned before talking]

Ali: I like those

Ali: I’ll try them out, show you how it goes if it does

Johnny: I love you

Ali: I love you

Ali: don’t doubt it again

Johnny: Is tonight like Christmas, if I’ve got something to give you?

Ali: Technically only Santa needs to, if I’ve been good

Ali: but I want to know what you’ve got for me

Johnny: It’s just an idea for the now but it’ll be proper and yours by the time you’ve dressed us as him if that’s what & who you’ve a mind to

Ali: You’ve the chains and I’ve already started on your mask

Ali: save it for the 25th

Johnny: Month of December or no I’ll have you in my lap sure enough

Ali: No need for a bribe

Ali: I should be there now

Johnny: What time’s your party start?

Ali: [tell him whenever that may be]

Ali: but I have to tell you something that might make you not want to come

Johnny: Go on

Ali: Ronan is asking loads of questions about my boyfriend

Johnny: Ah, come on, he can ask loads more and have no clue still I am

Ali: I mean

Ali: I’ve done my best to put him off anyway

Johnny: Ignore Ronan, I need you

Ali: You’ve got my full attention

Johnny: As I ought, we’ve that in common

Johnny: try as I might to be a decent brother

Ali: That’s my fault, should’ve let you go ages ago

Johnny: When I’ve to see a man about what I’m giving you, not before

Ali: Sounds dodgy 😏

Johnny: You’d quit being a messer if your surprise was the pet you was after

Johnny: and it beats that

Ali: Do I get three guesses?

Johnny: What’ll happen if you get and spoil it with your guessing?

Ali: You’ve surely got a good poker face

Ali: but okay, I’ll not guess out loud

Johnny: What they say

Ali: but I’ve seen you 😁

Johnny: You’ve seen me in each of my different moods

Ali: I love you in all of them

Johnny: If you guess something s’not but I’ve then the knowing you want, I’d have to source you that as well

Ali: True, I can’t be spoilt

Johnny: You can but I don’t know there’s time before [whatever time she said the party starts] for 3 more

Ali: What am I going to get you before the party starts, that’s the real question

Johnny: Get to [the name of the pub they were in on Bartley’s bday and hence she knows the way] when you’re told

Ali: I might look even less conspicuous this time

Ali: not a night for white

Johnny: Dress yourself in [something of his that he has left behind either when he was away or on one of the occasions he’s seen her since, soz mcvickers, because no need to wear her party ootn yet and give him spoilers]

Ali: 🥺

Ali: will you take it back with you, it’s losing the smell of you with how much I’ve worn it and slept with it

Johnny: Whatever you need

Ali: you

Johnny: [give her a time to be at this pub for because you know that there will be a million people there to distract your brother as always even though it’s not his bday this time]

Ali: I’ll leave at [a time that is blatantly too early because we know what we’re saying]

Johnny: That’s my girl

Ali: Remembering it is just as important as keeping an eye on your brother

Johnny: More, he’s bigger than you

Ali: For now, yeah

Johnny: Have to buy yourself proper clothes then

Ali: I’ll borrow yours

Johnny: I’ll take you shopping too

Ali: We can buy the baby things

Ali: it’s tiny clothes

Johnny: My nephews already borrowed my clothes from being their ages

Ali: did your grandma knit you things, when you were newborn

Johnny: [tell her about the slay outfits because you can’t show her photos or point out on any babies which are yours never mind ask for them back to give to this jali baby like you’ll get to when Sophie Turner is popping kids out]

Ali: Such a grandma way to show love

Ali: I can knit well enough, I’ll make a set

Johnny: [tell her your secret lingo word for this nan who is clearly iconic because love to teach her]

Ali: [voice note you trying to say it back]

Ali: do your nieces and nephews call your ma something different?

Johnny: [voice note it back so she knows how to say it 100% and also whatever cute thing your mum is called because she defs has her own, excuse us to his brother lol I imagine you going inside pretending to look for a tool or whatever so you could do this]

Ali: [excuse us indeed, just having a little learning sesh, sorry it’s cute and we wish to be included though we cannot be]

Johnny: [honestly, tell her some cute stories of you as a baby too because it’s horrible that she can’t join your fam and be welcomed like your mother clearly was when he obvs has such a close fam]

Ali: I know you were just the cutest baby

Johnny: Your enemy would call us weird looking to be sure

Ali: I was such an 👽

Ali: we’ll still love it, even when it’s all head and eyes

Johnny: They’ll be no prouder mammy and daddy around

Ali: It’s all I need

Ali: I didn’t think I was sad before but I don’t know, nothing has ever made me this happy, just you

Johnny: Elders would say our baby’s got eyes like that ‘cause it’ll have the sight when grown, maybe all 26 of ‘em will

Johnny: [tell her the gypsy word ofc and more about what that means]

Ali: 26 psychic babies might leave us in trouble

Ali: no secrets to be had ever

Ali: but this one is special, I can feel it

Johnny: My mammy felt it in us, she’s said

Johnny: means this 1 is a boy

Ali: She was right

Ali: why he has to be named for you

Johnny: [tell her how many generations your name goes back cos we all know it isn’t just your father]

Johnny: they’ve all carried his name for him

Ali: your history will be our children’s

Ali: I don’t change that being true

Johnny: And yours

Johnny: I don’t want to take it from you along with your daddy’s name

Ali: Don’t make me cry

Johnny: You matter, you know

Ali: You make me feel it

Johnny: The baby is as much a part of you, your blood and your history, as mine

Ali: We’re giving them a history that includes us, making our blood

Johnny: I shouldn’t have doubted we can do it

Ali: I understand, even if I don’t fully agree

Ali: I don’t want to keep things from you, I hate the feeling, actually

Johnny: It’s not you, I’ve had no peace

Ali: You’re being stressed from all areas

Johnny: Your little girl party has come at the perfect time

Ali: And if you do go on this next job, double the work won’t feel like it with me helping you

Johnny: I’d be lost without your help

Ali: You’ll never be without me

Johnny: You’re with me

Johnny: I’ve stood taller for it ever since

Ali: My man

Ali: I knew it was you, soon as I met you

Johnny: You’ve some sight in you, is it?

Ali: Or whatever’s magic in you glows or something

Ali: It was like a pull, to be near you, no bullshit

Johnny: So’s your plan for us to glow tonight with the mask you’re making?

Ali: Would you wear it

Ali: if it wasn’t suitably tough for you, which it is, of course, I’m nice

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: 😍😍😍😍

Ali: You always look so good, it’d be rude if you weren’t mine

Johnny: It’d be cruel if you weren’t

Ali: It felt like dying being around you [when y’all broke up in that period, we all remember]

Johnny: It killed me knowing I’d hurt you

Ali: It feels longer ago than it is, years, how far we’ve come

Ali: you’ve more than made it up to me since, now you say it back, say it first too

Johnny: I’ve been made different by you, I feel years older than I was but not in the way my daddy has us carry being his eldest boy like a weight

Ali: like you’re capable

Johnny: My jaw aches with what I’m not capable of telling him

Johnny: for how heavy it is when he might be the one who’s wrong but it’s mine to keep hold of still

Ali: I can’t see the future well enough to say anything in definites

Ali: but we’ll all of us still be living, if his mind is to change, he’s got the opportunity to tell you so

Johnny: I’d have him know our future as we see it

Johnny: have all of them know you as I do

Ali: I know it, even if it can never happen, I believe you

Ali: you aren’t interested in treating me like a dirty secret, I gave you chance to

Johnny: You aren’t dirty

Johnny: and I believe my mammy, my sisters, the babies of both, would love you as I do

Ali: I would love all of them too

Ali: your parents will want to meet your son, regardless of how they feel about us

Johnny: Once we’re married you’ll belong to me and we’ll be sworn to each other in front of God, they can’t turn their back on you unless they turn from both of us

Ali: I think about it every day

Ali: everything else is so unimportant, the fact no one knows about us, I just want to declare it to the priest and to God and whoever else is there to hear it

Johnny: How many days ‘til your birthday?

Ali: [we’re just a little over 2 months here so whatever that is in days, not long in the grand scheme but you’re extra so it feels like forever]

Ali: +10 for yours, I’ve stalked you

Johnny: I’ll book us a 14 day honeymoon, be the only present I’ve need of

Ali: where shall we take the ‘van?

Johnny: I’d say [somewhere that has meaning to his fam] but we’ve got to start traditions of our own

Ali: We could do [however much of the coast you think you could in 14 days because ocean girly]

Ali: why stay in one place when ours comes with us wherever we want to be

Johnny: We will

Johnny: [and ofc talk about how much you could feasibly do in more detail like how many miles this caravan can do to the gallon etc and how many hours you could drive per day with what those specific roads are like, like you’re already planning a realistic lil itinerary of where and when]

Ali: [nerd out too because you’re so well suited and both about this life]

Ali: we’ll bring the bike too, of course

Johnny: Before there’s too many of us to fit at 28

Ali: a couple safe between us, that’s okay

Johnny: Problem is, no daughter of mine would be let on a bike but sure, a daughter of yours has her place there

Ali: Only with her daddy protecting her is the perfect compromise is it not

Johnny: Good answer

Ali: It’s how I want it too, them to be protected by you as I am

Johnny: No one’ll be more than yous are

Ali: And you’re capable, as capable as I make you feel

Ali: work you’re born for is the right work and the right works to be more rewarding than it ever is taxing, even with a wife and 26 babies

Johnny: It’s no work, more a calling

Ali: my 🧜‍♀️ call to you

Johnny: I’m as pulled to you as you are to me

Ali: we’re meant

Johnny: I put my life in God’s hands and he put you in mine

Ali: There’s no place else I want to be

Johnny: You’ll leave at [an earlier time than she said because he’s saying he wants to meet earlier]

Ali: Do you miss me as bad as I miss you?

Johnny: How bad do you miss me?

Ali: I’m ignoring everyone else

Ali: your [the clothing he has left] feels more and more like you on me the longer I’m missing you

Johnny: The bike feels the same, less mine more ours

Ali: I hope you know you’re never allowed to get rid

Johnny: I know I can’t

Ali: The only good thing about being stuck at my parent’s house so much is getting to remember all the times you’ve been before

Johnny: We’ve both to make the most of the time with our families before we go

Ali: Yeah, we do

Johnny: But yeah, I miss you

Ali: [send him a pic of you rocking his clothes like miss me more]

Johnny: No, I do more for being shown that

Johnny: you’re hurting me

Ali: You hurt I hurt and back the other way, I needed you to feel it with me

Johnny: I’ll show you how bad I hurt, will I?

Johnny: [and send her a pic exactly like you did on your brother’s bday in that convo, sneakily taken in a bathroom the same way but obvs his not the pub this time cos he’s not there yet]

Ali: Fuck

Ali: how are you meant to focus on anything else when you could be that and me

Johnny: What are we to do?

Ali: I’ll meet you [even earlier than your new time]

Johnny: ‘Til then, you like photos to keep & I’ve loved looking at the ones you sent touching yourself

Johnny: I’ll send some back

Ali: I need no encouragement to do it again for you but I need to see you doing that

Johnny: [do send her some because her doing it was one of the convos I re-read the other day but he never has just the one pic I mentioned a sec ago which is now 2 so we love to see the progression of content occurring]

Ali: and I can really keep them

Johnny: You have to

Ali: I’m obsessed with you

Ali: [just be here sending pictures back that are very much your reaction to his as it were]

Johnny: Doing things without you feels wronger and wronger

Ali: I’ll do it and do it better

Ali: like you did for me, on the bike

Johnny: I’ll open up your other palm to make you swear you’ll never stop

Ali: I can’t stop

Ali: I’ve only bled for you

Johnny: You’ll bleed more for the baby but that’s as it should be

Ali: I’m not scared

Ali: not scared enough to not want it, anyway

Johnny: You’re not to be

Johnny: even if we can’t be with her, I’ll find out how [his nan’s gypsy lingo name] rids you of the pain

Ali: Will you be with me?

Johnny: It’s not usual but I don’t care, I’ll stay to watch over you

Ali: We have to meet him at the same time

Johnny: What they say is babies keep on their crying to fetch their daddies in from out the pub

Johnny: I’d have him open his eyes to me without asking where I am

Ali: That’s the sort of daddy you are

Ali: it’s why I love you so much

Johnny: I’ll not leave you if it takes [a horrific amount of time] like it did for my eldest sister for her 1st

Ali: Poor girl

Ali: the things we have to do for our children

Johnny: They’re meant to hurry themselves the more you push out but all hers are slow to come

Ali: [just regale him with your mother’s birth stories ‘cos she would have you and she’s had enough children to have wild variation lol]

Johnny: [add in your other sisters that apply even if it’s just the other older than you one in comparison and the 2 younger aren’t old enough/haven’t yet, age depending]

Ali: I’ll do it fast for you

Ali: no messing

Johnny: He’ll come in his own time, neither of us have say

Ali: Hmm

Ali: 😒 but I want to meet him already

Johnny: I can’t wait myself

Ali: but we’ll be patient, make sure all his things are ready

Johnny: Only the best for him

Ali: he’ll want for nothing

Johnny: Nor you, starting tonight

Ali: When do you ever leave me wanting?

Ali: aside from the bad time

Johnny: Now, I can feel how you’re wanting

Ali: You can feel what I’m missing too

Ali: your hands are so much rougher than mine, what do you like more

Johnny: Yours are half the size, everything of you’s small

Ali: You like it

Ali: like I like that you’re big

Johnny: He’ll keep small to fit and not hurt you so much

Ali: But I promise I’ll fully cook him, do the job right

Johnny: It’s your calling, no work

Johnny: your body knows what to do

Ali: It’s what my body has always wanted

Ali: it physically hurts when you pull out, the few times you have

Johnny: I’ll never again

Ali: Promise, say it’s for me

Johnny: Unless you tell us the other way round hurts

Ali: I don’t hate it when you cum on me

Ali: time and a place but as long as you’ve already cum in me once already you can do what you like

Johnny: I swear

Ali: Must be in the mood to make you make all kinds of vows

Ali: I don’t think any priest would appreciate that one though so best it’s out the way

Johnny: [do it in gypsy lingo too like that means it’s really out of the way]

Ali: [try and copy him but you’re too !! and giggly about it to be saying this well at all]

Johnny: [send her audio of you tutting how you like to do but it’s more to be hot than because you’re actually mad about it, then saying it slow and with all the !! again moreso to be extra and daddy about this]

Ali: [do a better job about it purely because of this energy, of course you are still clearly turned on but you know]

Johnny: You’ll feel it’s your own tongue soon, speak it like you’ve been born to it as he has

Ali: I’ve been practising

Ali: when we leave, you can speak to me in only that tongue, be the best way to learn

Johnny: Good

Ali: [say good back in the lingo as if it’s a test and you’re going to pass lol]

Johnny: You’ve a ear for it

Ali: It reminds me of slang I’ve learnt here and in Liverpool

Ali: and learning Irish in school

Johnny: [tell her more about the roots and history of it etc like a lil nerd]

Ali: You tell stories so well

Ali: I can’t bear being taught by anyone else, how do you do this

Johnny: My favourite thing about my daddy’s how he keeps and passes on stories, I’ve tried to learn from him

Ali: I reckon he’d be impressed

Johnny: It’s important, they’re alive thanks to the telling

Ali: You should know where you’re from, the who, it matters

Johnny: Plenty’s trouble is they don’t

Ali: Some need to forget but in the long run, does no favours

Johnny: I’m bringing your sister [something he asked his nan for cos in one of their earlier convos he said he would but then he’s clearly been distracted since but what she said about why Ro starves herself earlier in this one has reminded him], I’ve no forgot

Ali: I really appreciate it

Ali: she has, us getting to spend some more time together, I think

Johnny: [tell her what to do with these things, it’s giving healing herbs to make her drink in a tea and some kind of talisman to make her wear/sneak under her pillow, cos old school romany culture is big on both of those, they love a talisman/good luck charm especially]

Ali: She’ll think that’s interesting

Ali: she loves to learn, especially about religion and rituals

Johnny: I remember, she’s a believer

Ali: we poisoned the girl together

Johnny: Girl’s poison herself

Johnny: an eye for an eye

Ali: you don’t have to hate her for me, it’s ancient history

Ali: but I love you for it

Johnny: It’s new to me & I’m not letting her off

Johnny: sorry for herself’s never sorry to you

Ali: I won’t complain, ruining her front yard was pretty fun

Johnny: Some don’t repent on their own

Ali: and you’re the hottest when you get all biblical

Johnny: You haven’t need to forgive her before we go but she’ll beg you to, sure enough

Ali: So long as you save all this talk for me, or she will definitely think you’re flirting with her

Johnny: Loose ends are all to be tied up before we away, she’ll reckon she’s the disgrace she shows herself to be

Ali: You’ll sort my little girl drama for me

Johnny: When I’m at yours in my mask I’ll [some more acts of vandalism on her house like writing something across the front door and walls in paint, also covering and taking her dad’s car to literal pieces so it doesn’t work etc etc]

Ali: Oh my God 😻

Ali: let me help you

Johnny: You and your friends stay in your mammy’s sight and don’t leave it while I’m busy, let none of the blame fall on yous

Ali: You’ll not be caught

Johnny: I’m in the right, she’s in the wrong

Johnny: I don’t live by laws but that 1

Ali: It’s the only one that actually matters

Ali: you’re doing right by me

Johnny: I have to

Ali: I have to fuck you in her daddy’s car

Johnny: I’ll tell you when

Ali: I’ll stay where I can be seen until then, behave for you

Johnny: I know it

Ali: Know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you

Johnny: Come to me

Johnny: [whatever time they said which was already made earlier]’s too long a wait

Ali: On my way

Ali: if I end up crawling on my hands and knees so be it

Johnny: Can be a race for [this pub he is also on his way to rn]

Ali: If I win…?

Johnny: I’ll get on my hands and knees

Ali: You’re on

Johnny: Be on your way

Ali: [prove you’re getting out the door, ‘scuse us everyone else]

Johnny: [write ILY in gypsy lingo cos you’re likewise out the door and can’t do a voice note in front of your brother]

Ali: [write down ILY + ‘more’ in the lingo]

Johnny: [concentrate on driving you and your brother to the pub so you don’t die please cos you’re distracted enough without talking to her the entire time too, we all know you’re gonna win this ‘race’ cos it’s your local for a reason including it's near the site so send her a pic of your pint when you’ve got them in lol]

Ali: Cheater

Johnny: Don’t be sore before you’ve started crawling

Ali: You only had to say you needed me on my hands and knees more

Johnny: You don’t need telling what I’m after from you

Ali: I’m still looking at the pictures

Ali: you made it so clear for me

Johnny: Be made clearer when you look at us

Ali: I’m going as fast as I can, cheater

Ali: you enjoy your pint

Johnny: Call me cheater 1 more time and see what happens to you

Ali: Don’t tempt me

Johnny: Don’t you tempt me

Ali: That’s what I’m good for

Ali: haven’t I always tempted you?

Johnny: I’m not for patience, hurry yourself before I’m tempted to find you

Ali: I like that about you

Ali: and I promise I’m already going as fast as I can

Johnny: How fast?

Johnny: [and like a protective dad tell her what speed she is allowed to go]

Ali: but

Ali: I’ll have to slow down then

Johnny: So be it

Ali: You’re so cute

Ali: can I call you that?

Johnny: [a gypsy lingo word for cute in the sense of a baby or a puppy] or [the different hotter vibe lol]?

Ali: Both

Ali: you’re everything

Johnny: You’ll learn everything

Ali: I knew [the hotter version] and I’ve heard [the cute one] said over little ones when I’ve been visiting

Johnny: You’ve kept an ear out as long as I’ve known you, I used to get angry about it but now

Ali: I’m not just nosy

Ali: you know it’s not curiosity for the sake of

Johnny: I know what it were for the sake of, so

Ali: I didn’t hide it from you from the off

Johnny: True enough, nobody could say you’re not upfront for a girl

Ali: For a girl?

Ali: when it was me who started this

Johnny: I started it, I’ve told you

Ali: You have told me, yeah

Johnny: You’re welcome for it being told to you again

Ali: I don’t care, as long as you’re mine

Johnny: I am, there’s an easy promise to keep to

Ali: The easiest, there’s no one else it could be

Johnny: We’re meant, like you said

Ali: No one else exists when you’re around me

Johnny: I’m the same as you in having sight for only you

Ali: [send him your location to let him know how soon he can actually have eyes on you]

Johnny: [tell her a new speed she can go that’s a bit faster but still deemed safe by you]

Ali: remember how fast you went in [wherever y’all were when you ran away for that moment]

Johnny: Get it out your head, you’re never to go that fast

Ali: Why not

Johnny: You’re in too delicate of a condition

Johnny: you’ve got to be careful with what you do

Ali: I’ll be in a delicate condition ‘til I’m an old woman

Johnny: You’ll be needed ‘til you go to your grave

Ali: so will you

Johnny: Not like a mammy is

Ali: Yes so

Ali: that’ll be different in our family

Johnny: Oh, will it now?

Ali: I need you forever, for starters

Ali: and so will the babies, yeah

Johnny: You’ll be provided for forever, the money’ll stay in a hiding place you’re told of

Ali: I’m not talking about money

Johnny: I’m not intending to go to my grave yet, like

Ali: You’re as important, you, not your money

Johnny: It’ll be worked out different if that’s how we want it

Johnny: you already know I care for the babies of my family more than the men usually will

Ali: You shouldn’t feel disposable, or that that’s your only worth, it just isn’t

Ali: do you want it to be different?

Johnny: I’d want to do it my mammy’s way more than my da’s and uncles, tradition or no

Ali: then that’s what we’ll do

Johnny: We’ll do what we feel’s right, find our own way

Johnny: but she’s given us a starting point

Ali: I believe in us, that we want the same thing

Johnny: Sun’s trying to come out, that to do with you or God?

Ali: Bit of both

Ali: he is on my side, after-all

Johnny: I believe in you both

Ali: That’s got to be the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me

Johnny: You’ve an answer for everything, best I’ve at least some of my own

Ali: You’ve always seemed like you’ve the words to me

Ali: even when they weren’t the ones I was after hearing

Johnny: You’ve tempted me to say them even when I ought not

Ali: your secrets safe with me

Johnny: I don’t know how it’s still secret, what I feel for you

Ali: Me either

Ali: especially with your cousin giving me the third-degree

Johnny: You’re too smart for Ronan’s own good

Johnny: my brother has sense though, or so I reckoned before spending [however long] with him for the lad to notice nothing changed of me

Ali: Would he necessarily ask you if he did?

Johnny: He can ask me anything

Ali: Can doesn’t mean will though

Johnny: ‘Course not

Ali: They aren’t big talkers, any of them

Johnny: Nor was I before you came ‘round talking too much

Ali: You can talk to me

Ali: I know you like that, however much I say back

Johnny: I love it

Ali: Me too

Ali: you get me better than anyone else before

Johnny: You’re like no other girls before

Ali: I’m your girl

Johnny: My wife

Ali: distracting me

Johnny: I can’t help thinking of it

Ali: I feel bad, for how little I want to be here

Ali: but all I want is to be away and married to you

Johnny: I’ll be in church at Christmas with all my family but with my head full of you and the vows I want to make

Ali: I’m going to find the dress before then, gift to myself and future gift to you

Johnny: I’ll pray the baby don’t mean you’ll need another

Ali: Skin tight isn’t very church appropriate

Ali: there’ll be room to let him grow

Johnny: [tell her your weight when you were born but in a boy way not in lbs, like I was a bag of sugar idk for him cos he’s clearly bigger and healthier than baby Junie but you know the vibes, maybe he’s comparing himself to something mechanical]

Ali: 🥺

Ali: I was [and tell him], maybe he’ll be in the middle

Johnny: Whatever size he’s born we’ll grow him up big and strong to watch over his sisters and younger brothers

Ali: he’s you as his daddy, a natural is what he’ll be

Johnny: You’ll be a natural with him, I can’t wait to watch you

Ali: I already love him

Ali: there’s so much to show and teach him and I can’t wait, 9 months is too long, seriously

Johnny: I’ll have to keep you busy teaching you things ‘til he’s ready

Ali: You will

Ali: you’re a good teacher

Johnny: It’s the student in you, how keen you are to be shown everything

Ali: I could see you knew what’s worth knowing

Johnny: Can you feel how bad I need to see you?

Ali: Show me again

Johnny: [do obviously because we love an exact pub toilet replica but this time the stall door isn’t being kicked in because it’s always busy but not special occasion busy, hence be more extra this time by sending her a lil video of how turned on you are so she can have the audio of how !! you are even when you’re not touching yourself other than to pose for this content]

Ali: I’ve got to stop

Ali: for safety and to hear you properly, fuck

Ali: I could meet you there

Johnny: Where?

Ali: In the stall, it’s not fair to have you move

Johnny: Will I lift you up through the window so nobody knows you’re here?

Ali: Will I fit?

Johnny: You’re still small enough for now

Ali: I’m not getting much bigger, even with a bump

Johnny: Be a perfect fit

Ali: You’ve thought of me there too much not to have me, however you need

Johnny: And you’ve seen how I’m waiting, heard the need I have

Ali: I’m trying to recover enough to run to you

Ali: it’s a necessity, to be with you and that close

Johnny: I’d run to you, much as it’d hurt

Johnny: missing you hurts more

Ali: I’m doing it, I’d do the impossible to be with you

Ali: us apart is wrong

Johnny: I’ll stay at your party all night

Ali: We can be together

Ali: you can claim me

Johnny: Sun might not come up tomorrow if we don’t keep God on side, he’s told us you’re mine, he wants me to

Ali: It’s the truth, even if we’re not telling it in full ‘til we’re away

Ali: feeling like a liar when I have to ignore you at parties isn’t right, not now

Johnny: It’s too late, we can’t

Ali: How can I ignore my whole world

Johnny: We’re no liars

Ali: This is such a good thing, we are, we can’t let it be corrupted like that

Johnny: Don’t worry yourself I’ll never let it happen

Johnny: you’re both too pure

Johnny: [and tell her the gypsy lingo word because they are big on the idea of clean vs polluted, esp for women unsurprisingly]

Ali: [repeat it back to him as a ? like have I said that right/do I get the vibe]

Johnny: When I’m in church I’ll ask that he’s as smart as his mammy

Ali: he’ll be as kind as you, as hard-working and fair

Johnny: You’re right, 9 months is ages

Ali: there’s no time for breaks with 26, at least

Johnny: There’ll be twins, you’ve good as promised with how they run on your daddy’s side

Ali: Are you concerned we’ll not be able to stop?

Johnny: We’ll stop at 13 if you’re tired, I haven’t concerns but your health

Ali: I won’t be tired, not of you nor babies

Johnny: Then we won’t trouble ourselves to stop

Ali: [a lil vid of your feet running like no stopping]

Johnny: [call her both versions of cute obvs, you gotta]

Ali: Until I show up 🥵

Johnny: We’ve taps I can run for you

Ali: It’s a start

Ali: a locked door is another

Johnny: Let me help you

Ali: Okay

Johnny: [give her deets for how she’s best to get to the toilet window he’s gonna help her through without getting spotted by random gypsy men]

Ali: [don’t reply but he’ll hear when you’re here moving bins under this window to get up to it]

Johnny: [help her up because any of the peeps you know in this pub could need a piss at any time there’s no telling, he’ll still be making out with her immediately though as soon as she’s high enough before she’s remotely properly through the window as if they have all the time in the world cos can’t and won’t be tamed]

Ali: [you’re going to fall through this window into him so ungracefully, no fucks given, likewise unbothered about anyone else but him in this moment as you’re making out and wrapping yourself around him only the tiniest bit for safety and almost all because ‘I missed you’ said into this kiss with a huge smile; only indication you’ve remembered you can’t just be out here like this is the fact you are at least attempting to makeout in the direction of the stall once you’ve found your footing enough]

Johnny: [we love to see it and we all know he’ll stop her from falling flat on her face because holding her and continuing this makeout sesh frantically as if he hasn’t seen her for a million years cos how it always feels, but he’s making no attempt to do anything except carry her towards these sink/s and run the tap for her like he said, picture the scene, sitting her on them and in the hottest move grabbing a fistful of her hair to 1. Break the kiss 2. Keep it out of the way for her and 3. Manoeuvre her head under the tap to drink from it so that she won’t touch the gross tap itself or gross basin bit cos I’m sure this lad’s bathroom in an exclusively gypsy bar is p grim]

Ali: [the noise you will make is in reality only loud enough for him to hear in a pub setting on any night but it feels so !! and uncontrollable to you that you have to focus all your energy on diligently DRINKING this water like your life truly depends on it, of course, you’re making the most insane EYE CONTACT the whole time from this position, you simply must]

Johnny: [maintaining this insane eye contact until he simply cannot/she simply could not drink any more water for what feels like forever because every second is so charged and !! (but isn’t actually) then pulling her away from the tap the same way he maneouvered her towards it aka via another hot hair pull and once again kissing her like his life depends on it, in such a messy way as if half the water cascaded down her face and he’s gotta clean her up even though he had her positioned so precisely that it could and did not, love that we’re still in no hurry to move into the privacy of a stall cos he is pulling her off the sink and back into his arms via whatever clothes of his she has borrowed to wear rn as this makeout continues but only cos he wants to be closer not cos they are on the move yet]

Ali: [just being the most reckless y’all have ever been, this girl loves to see it, even if subconsciously because no thinking is really happening right now, we all know, any sense of direction you vaguely had is gone the way of your sense, out here letting yourself be a full ragdoll about this because you want exactly what he wants and to be as close as is humanly possible]

Johnny: [mhmm he’s being a bold bad girl about this rn cos he’s happy to the point of feeling invincible thinking she’s preggo atm and they are gonna run away and get married on her bday in feb and that god is on board with all their plans which is not only heartbreaking to me personally knowing none of that is going to occur but dangerous to him personally here and now cos he’s being so reckless about everything as if he hasn’t left his brother playing pool or darts etc and there isn’t a full pub of peeps he knows on the other side of this bathroom door, but anyway, he’s playing with the key around her neck whilst they are being extra out in the open and refusing to be behind a locked door in a way that’s poetic cinema, and by being extra I mean he’s 100% touching his full ass name on her which might as well just be touching her indecently when they both always react the way they do about it]

Ali: [you should absolutely be the one reminding him considering you’d be the one being ignored if shit hit the fan but you just aren’t that girl and you aren’t capable so I’m soz, find us here struggling to breathe like you were winded by your running when it’s obviously this boy and what he’s barely doing and how much it means, placing your hand over his over this key, pausing to LOOK at him]

Johnny: [I’ll cut y’all both the slack of saying nobody needs a piss because neither of you have or can find chill in this moment when you’re this in love and in your bubble about it, case in point, catch him returning this LOOK and maintaining the key handhold while he pulls up her/his borrowed top (we idk what items of clothing of his she is rocking rn) to be KISSING her stomach DRAMATICALLY at the same time as still tracing his/this fictional son’s name, so his breathing is as extra as hers is]

Ali: [there could be some kind of match on lmao, no one wants to miss a second then, or you’ll just have to end up having this intense quickie against the main door so no one can get in because it’s clearly happening, didn’t come all this way both literally in distance and metaphorically in terms of progress to not; the way you’d be welling up about this is so upsetting, so soz we don’t let y’all have ANYTHING that you think you’re going to]

Johnny: [we are evil but at least jali are buzzing in this moment and don’t know we are, god bless this boy for turning this stomach makeout sesh into the inevitable eating her out moment we can all see coming as if he has all the time in the world/they aren’t out here still not in a stall, we love to see it, he’s literally getting on his knees like he said he would]

Ali: [so cinematic baby, no notes honestly, get your life lads, who cares about anyone in this whole town, not y’all I fear]

1 note · View note

anashins · 4 years ago

Text

No Talking in the Library || Taeyong

"Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check."

There are still so many things you want to do in your last semester before graduation, and Taeyong is willing to help you.

_______

Skinny dipping

Partying all night long

Drinking hard shots

Dancing on a bar counter

Playing spin the bottle

Getting completely drunk

Attend an illegal rave

Kiss s/o I just met

Ditch classes

You inhaled deeply and tucked the sheet back into your dress’s pocket and out of your sight, your thoughts revolving around the last point you’ve written again.

Losing my virginity

You were already a few months into your last year of university and yet you still felt like you hadn’t experienced everything a normal college kid should have once done in their young lives.

That you hadn’t really lived so far.

Looking at your friends, they had left you behind a long time ago in the first semester already when it came down to checking off bucket lists. It wasn’t like you were too shy or stayed away from parties and boys, though. The opportunity just had never arisen, and only now you realized that it probably never would if you wouldn’t take fate into your own hands.

You were sick and tired of waiting for the perfect moment and the perfect guy.

Looking at your watch, you realized it was nearly time for your next class and that you slowly had to get going.

Passing by different bookshelves, you were pondering whether to still search for lecture here in the library to read through the weekend in preparation for the project you had to work on the next week, but you quickly resisted the urge to do so as you had already collected enough and headed straight to the door.

“Watch out!” you still heard before the next thing you felt was pain crippling your face.

Only the break of a second was needed before numbness turned into pain and shot through your nerves that even reached the tips of your fingers with the root of the ache being your nose.

“Oh my god!” you squealed and brought your hands to the middle of your face while tears welled up behind your squinted eyes.

“I’m so sorry!” a male voice said, full with panic.

When you dared to open your lids, you looked into the eyes of the guy who had banged the entry door right into her face.

“You nearly killed me!”

“I’m so sorry, y/n!”

When he mentioned your name, you turned keen-eared. Blinking through your tears, you slowly started to get a sharper view of the boy in front of you as well. Just slightly taller than you, dark hair, and an expression as shocked as yours.

You just didn’t know his name anymore.

“Does it hurt that bad? Shall we go to the ward to get a cooling pad or something?”

You shook your head and slowly brought your hands down again. The guy had a hard time biting down the smile that threatened to slip off his lips. With care, he touched your arm in a comforting gesture to reassure you.

“I’m sorry, but you totally look like Rudolph the reindeer now.”

You sniffed. “Yes, thanks to you!”

“Okay, that’s true,” he admitted and retreated his hand. “How about I make it up to you, hm?”

“Uh…” You stared at him, yet you still weren’t able to classify his familiar face.

“Hey!” You suddenly got interrupted by the library’s supervisor, a middle-aged woman who was always wearing a frown and owned the hearing of a bat. “No talking in the library! Go inside or leave, but this door has to be closed, understand?”

You nodded, and the guy made a move to pass by the librarian, but not without whispering to you “Come here!” before you disappeared into the library again, the door closing shut behind you.

Having you by his arm, he dragged you along the rows of bookshelves until he found a quiet corner in the very far back of the library. All the while when you were looking at his back, you tried to remember where you knew him from.

And then it suddenly came into your mind.

When you opened the group convo with your friends, his face would appear right next to the unsaved contact that your friend Johnny had added two days prior.

It was Lee Taeyong.

Johnny, Ten, and Jaehyun’s new roommate who you had also met once before at Johnny’s birthday party last week.

“Hey, at least your nose is not red anymore, huh?” he laughed when he came to a hold.

“Banging a door into my face again, Taeyong?” you asked back. “I have to admit, this is kind of a weird way to hit on a girl.”

“You know my name! Admittedly, even just now I wasn’t so sure whether you remembered.”

“That was true, but once the pain vanished and I looked at your back, that scene seemed very familiar to me.”

He grinned. “Johnny’s birthday party, yes, I banged a door into your face back then as well. I’m sorry, I am actually a gentleman, I just didn’t have a chance to prove it yet. I hope this isn’t becoming our thing now.“

“You mean… you banging doors into my face? I hope not, because you actually seem like a nice guy, and otherwise I have to do a runner right now. I’d like to live a few years more.”

“My roommates wouldn’t like the thought that I scared their friend away, so let’s keep this a secret, alright?”

He winked and you laughed. You liked his humor very much and were wondering why you two hadn’t talked before at Johnny’s party.

„Oh, what’s this?“

Taeyong lifted his hand and picked up something white from the floor. He inspected his finding and then frowned. The next moment, he presented something to you that hadn’t been supposed to get seen by anyone else aside from you. The sheet. Apparently it had fallen out of your pocket while hurriedly walking!

You blushed up to her ears and snatched it out of his hand. “Don’t read this!”

He shrugged. “Well… it was quite hard not to miss the significant writing while picking it up, so…”

“Ugh…” You rolled your eyes into oblivion and wished for a hole to appear right under you to vanish in there right now.

You felt your ears burning and a hot flush running down your back as you remembered the last point you had written down. A stranger knowing about your virgin life! Embarrassing!!

“Do you… actually mean this?”

“Mean what?” you questioned with a shaky voice.

You hadn’t heard the slightest tone of mockery in his voice, you then noticed, and when you dared to look at him again, his gaze was even radiating curiosity, far from scorn.

“The points on this list.”

“Please don’t make fun of me!” you defended yourself. “You don’t know me or why I did this in the first place, so…”

You wanted to quickly pass by him and escape from the scenery, but he grabbed you by your arm and made you stop.

“What I know,” he then spoke, “is that you’re a kind and funny girl, apparently looking for the full college experience, am I right? I would never make fun of someone for that.”

“Okay… thank you. And I’d prefer if you won’t tell anyone about that.”

“That’s a given.”

“So… having checked off anything yet?“

You shook her head, suddenly feeling a weird knot in your stomach. “I just made this today. But now that someone knows about it, it’s probably ridiculous.”

“I don’t think that it’s ridiculous. You just want some fun, what’s so wrong about that?”

You hadn’t looked at this from another point of view, but now Taeyong was giving you his perspective. And he sounded so nonchalant and positive about it that you suddenly didn’t feel as exposed and embarrassed as before.

“You know what I think?” he then blurted out.

“What?” Now, you grew curious.

“I think you need someone to guide you through it, and many more experiences. Go hard or go home.” He grinned. “Someone who’s done all that already.”

“And you’re such a person?” you challenged.

“Let me see.”

Taeyong took the sheet from you again and read through the list. “Skinny dipping? Check. Partying all night long? Every weekend. Drinking hard shots? Also every weekend. Dancing on a bar counter? Double check, except for that one time I fell off. Playing spin the bottle? Boring, but check. Getting completely drunk? More checks than I can remember. Attend an illegal rave? Double check. Kiss someone I just met? I’m not counting this one anymore. Ditch classes? At least once a month. Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check.”

“Okay I understand!” You yanked the paper out of his hand again. “You probably had a few years to experience all this, and I only have the rest of my senior year left.”

“Why the rush?” Taeyong asked.

Reluctantly, you answered, “I’m leaving the country for my PhD.”

He nodded. “I see.”

Folding the sheet in your hands, you tucked it back into your pocket. “But please don’t tell the guys, I haven’t opened up to them about my future plans yet, but I want to tell them personally when the time is right.”

“Of course.” Taeyong paused. “Well, then what’s stopping you from joining a party with me tonight to get started?”

“The fact that I barely know you yet?”

“Hm, of course, you’ve got a point.” Taeyong pursed his lips and seemed to ponder over something. “Why haven’t we really talked before though at Johnny’s birthday party?”

“I really cannot remember what happened after you’ve banged the door into my face.” You chuckled. “I probably went to cry in the bathroom and then we’ve just lost sight of each other, because you haven’t found a weird sheet from me like today.”

“So… Since you only could remember me just now, we can technically say we’ve just met, right?”

“I’d sign that.”

“Great.”

You barely had time to wonder why he was grinning from ear to ear yet again when you felt Taeyong’s lips on yours the next moment.

They were soft and warm, his movements gentle at first, and he tasted so fresh and minty, and a little bit sweet as though he had drunk some fruit juice just before. Very summerly, and very manly.

His sudden kiss had left you speechless as well as motionless in the beginning, but you, now in high spirits, started to take pleasure in this act not long after his first move as you leaned against him and were welcomed with open arms.

Taeyong was a very handsome guy, there was nothing to deny about that fact, and he was a good kisser on top of that.

His hands made your body angle so that he could circle his arms around your waist and pressed you firmly against him. With your hands, you wandered upwards and sunk your fingers into his fluffy hair just in the moment Taeyong made you part your lips to deepen the kiss with his tongue.

Of course you had kissed boys before. Just because you were still a virgin didn’t mean you had never made out with someone.

But you had never made out with someone this good before.

Although you had gotten a door into your face shortly before, you weren’t so sure whether it was truly only the aftereffects of a possible head injury or Taeyong’s uninterrupted, passionate and oh-so-good kissing or both that got you feel so lightheaded and dizzy.

But what you knew was that you were enjoying that kiss very much.

And that you wanted more.

And Taeyong apparently as well as he proved it to you when his hands curved against your buttocks, and he gently shoved you backwards until your back rested against the wall behind you.

With his fingers, he felt the tender and glowing skin under your shirt’s bottom hem, massaging the spot there lightly as your hands simultaneously grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him so close to you that no sheet would fit in the slit between you two anymore.

Secretly kissing in the library hadn’t been written down on your agenda, but you took whatever you could get to make your last semester a memorable one.

This was so fun to you that you started to think that this bucket list that you had made wasn’t that much of a bad idea after all if every single one of the experiences would leave you that excited as kissing Taeyong.

When you parted, he was still wearing that grin that now seemed more sweet than smug to you, and you joined him.

“Kiss someone you just met? Check.”

“Well, then our meeting here didn’t go to waste after all,” you concluded.

Admittedly, you wanted more. And by the way Taeyong looked at you, still so turned on and dreamy, he didn’t seem to loathe that idea as well.

“How about putting another point up that list?”

“Such as…?” You tilted your head.

“Making out with someone you’ve just met at a party?”

You playfully looked away as though you were in deep thoughts, but to you, the answer was clear the moment he had proposed the idea to you. “I think that’s an experience I shouldn’t miss as well.”

Just as Taeyong let out a relieved laughter and leaned in to you again, you heard a familiar,

“No talking in the library!”

In front of them stood the librarian with the worst timing ever.

“Technically, we weren’t talking,“ Taeyong cleared up cheekily as he withdrew from you, and you nodded in approval.

The librarian though looked confused.

The wink Taeyong shot into your direction was only visible for you, and you blushed faintly as you agreed, “Yeah, we were anything but talking.”

„But I heard you!“ the elderly woman scolded.

“Well, we did something much more fun than talking,” Taeyong explained, but before the librarian could chide more, you laughingly escaped to the outside.

„So about the party…�� he then started as the library’s door closed behind you. „Since we’re technically no strangers anymore…“

You rolled your eyes, but smiled. „Perhaps, I’ll come to the party.“

„And then move on to check off the other points?“ He smirked.

You stuck your tongue out at him, but were really looking forward to tonight.

#taeyong #lee taeyong #nct scenarios #nct imagines #taeyong scenarios #taeyong imagines #taeyong x reader #taeyong fluff #nct127 scenarios #kpop scenarios #kpop x you #kpop x reader #nct taeyong #taeyong au #my writing #imagine

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jalebi-weds-bluetooth · 4 years ago

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Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :) What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh! What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

#ask #analysis anon #THIS IS LONG #so many thoughts #how arnav khushi's confrontation would've been #the only answer I crave #analysis #ipkknd #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon

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chocolvte · 4 years ago

Text

ITZY IMAGINE.

. . shin ryujin as your girlfriend

author’s note — happy birthday @witchylixie! ily very much and i hope you have the best day!

listen to chemicals by sg lewis

headcanons — what dating her is like

ryujin is your best friend before anything else. your relationship was undefined for a long time, but by the time she asked you to be her s/o, both of you were completely sure about what you wanted (each other, obvi).

you just get each other: no one makes her laugh like you do, no one knows how to comfort you when you’re crying the way she does, no one kisses you like she does.

you give each other piggy back rides everywhere.

ryujin likes sharing things with you. you share almost everything: clothes, jewelry, food.

whenever one of you is having a bad day, the other will cancel all of your plans and you’ll stay in bed and watch studio ghibli movies. it doesn’t always fix everything, but it usually makes things at least a little better.

you have matching tattoos on the backs of your necks and the inside of your wrists.

ryujin is very protective of you. if anyone ever says or does anything mean to you she gets visibly upset and it’s really hard for her not to get up and do something about it. she would absolutely fight someone twice her size for you, if need be.

it always melts her heart when you get really excited about the things you love. she could sit and listen to you talk about the things you’re passionate about for hours.

she holds your hand everywhere. i mean everywhere: at home, in the studio, even at red carpets.

bottom line: the two of you would be such a power couple. no one is doing it like y’all.

cute nicknames — when & how they’re used

angel — whenever you’re upset about something, this is what she calls you to comfort you.

my love — used most often in casual conversation, so genuine and full of love.

haribo — an allusion to the gummy candy company, because you’re soft and sweet.

everyday texts — what your text convos are like

#itzy #itzy reactions #itzy imagines #itzy headcanons #itzy as girlfriends #itzy ryujin #shin ryujin #ryujin imagines #ryujin x reader #ryujin fluff #ryujin headcanons #ryujin as a girlfriend

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jonny-versace · 3 years ago

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I really appreciate the storytelling of Aaron being insecure about being in a relationship that grew from an affair and also dating a bi man and struggling to trust Robert and then that being a factor in (among others) the ons and break up. And I like that they acknowledged it after “she didn’t break us up, we did”. Would have loved a bit more time spent on that after the reunion that rather then just wow nowAaron’s no longer jealous. Especially a convo around the affair or biphobia.

yesssss it's so so good, like even if it's fairly plotty at times (the whole birthday mix-up (let Chas in your plan sooner Robert you giant moron), Aaron quite literally getting gaslit by his family over nothing etc) it's still overall this great character driven stuff between the two of them that really did start all the way back in the affair because let's face it, even though we as the audience knew nothing was happening, Aaron had seen all the lying about working and stuff when he was on the other side of it so of COURSE his mind would go there even without his general mental health struggles that he never dealt with at all. and it goes back to them saying they'd take it slow when they got together and just flat out not doing that lol (I always loved that line from Robert during robrontines day where he's all "we did things wrong" regarding the path of their relationship, even if they completely ignored themselves as soon as they got back together again lol). and then on top of that you've got Aaron's general abandonment issues and Gordon still hanging over him, and Robert's general nature of not being able to resist exploiting the Whites (and I do think it's worth pointing out that hes a hard worker in general, he really enjoys it the big weirdo) and his history with Rebecca as sort of a placeholder so it's all combustible (intense good and bad!)

but THEN under all of everything, when realistically by the time of the Jan fight, if they were normal they would've been like "okay this is mad, we can't be together like this let alone get married, we need a break from this and us and just work out.... everything and then if (lol) we find our way back to each other then awesome", but because they're THEM and under all the bullshit they just fundamentally love each other and that has to be enough right? so they just ignore EVERYTHING and get surprised married because Aaron's going to prison for twatting some loser bc he and Robert FINALLY had a fight about alllll their many issues that they just forgot about as soon as convenient to paper over these giant chasms in the relationship because that's all that matters and theyll be fine (it wasnt and they weren't), it's perfect it's just immaculate, I love it.

I think as far as post reunion goes, I'm not really sure how they could've shown more of that beyond you know, doing what they did. because while it's a bit of inference, Aaron saw from a distance what a massive wreck Robert was while they were apart. he saw that there was no Robert and Rebecca, it would've made all the sense in the world at least from his perspective, if there WAS something there, once Seb was properly brewing and Robert was single, that they would try and make a go of something, right? and if not that, Robert would eventually cop off elsewhere. instead he either saw a month's long descent into madness which resulted in half a family dead. and when he FINALLY finally got dragged out to maybe meet somebody, he ended up in the place where they got married to be kinda pathetic and drink himself into a coma lol. and really like you said, the issue was never REALLY Rebecca in the first place, it WAS them(that is such a fantastic Aaron line, love you Maxine x), the jealousy was just a symptom. and then there's the Seb of it all, who was Aaron's biggest issue going into the break up until he realised that instead of this little squishy demon he hated, he was just Robert's baby. he recognised that the reason the trust issues were there in the first place was because they never actually fucking talked, so they promised to do that! and they did that! (mostly!).

and with the biphobia, I dunno. I'm not really sure how you could show how Aaron got over that. and really a lot of it stemmed from Aaron's general perspective of "not good enough, people don't stay with me," anyway, like it's not hard to imagine that if Robert had been getting chummy with some bloke instead of her they would've arrived at the same destination, right? it wasn't really ever about him being bi imo, that's just how it manifested. (ditto for the whole "internalised homophobia with Robert" thing). and again it can't be stressed enough that Aaron's mental health was like. beyond fractured anyway from the Gordon stuff. as for the affair, I think that's why I love Robert during the second proposal so much, he needed to say what he said and Aaron probably still needed to hear it (and in general I just ADORE how they romanticise the affair as opposed to actually remembering it lol).

ranty! I just love the whole arc, it has its flaws obviously (some of the post reveal stuff is b r u t a l) but overall, particularly for the genre, it's just excellent meaty content that just kept getting reinforced and built upon right until the end.

#long post #robron #its just CHEFS KISS #anonymouse🐁

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zackmartin · 2 years ago

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@neshabeingchildish anyway, about the parents... It just felt easier to make a whole new post than make our followers scroll forever (or make you scroll forever in your inbox), especially since we’re talking about parents now and the original conversation was about coffee 😅😅 (the post in question, in case anyone is curious about why the hell I’m randomly talking about all this for)

(Also, about me maybe misunderstanding your question, it’s not entirely you, my brain fog is so bad right now 😭 I read it right the first time, though. It just wasn’t until I reread it the other night that I realized it could maybe be interpreted differently and didn’t want to look like an idiot by giving you four paragraphs about how the dynamic between the parents is when you actually meant Zack himself and Henry’s parents. 😭😂)

Before I get into it, I do want to say something else real quick because I know you’ll let me; I always have Henry’s parents divorcing in the near future. I absolutely despised that shit they tried to pull with heavily implying that Siren was cheating on an unsuspecting Jake, so I always had them realizing that their kids are grown and they don’t need to use them as an “excuse” to stay together anymore, so they decide to just bite the bullet and go for the divorce. I don’t have an exact time frame for when this happens, but I know Henry was at least graduated from high school, and I would say Piper was AT LEAST a senior in high school, if not already graduated herself.

But, anyway, the parents get along for the most part! Like, they’re all okay with Zack and Hen hosting the holidays at their place so the grandkids can see all their grandparents for Christmas, and things like that. But, I do think the moms get along just a smidge more because 1) they make a concentrated effort for the sake of their kids (and then eventually the grandkids) and 2) I can’t think of a single thing Jake and Kurt (Zack’s Dad) have in common lmao Like, the dads might ask each other about work or something, but once that short convo runs its course, there’s just awkward silence 😅😅 (and in the case of Zack’s mom, Carey, whether she means to or not, I think she kinda latches on to any potential female friends because she’s surrounded by boys a lot of the time) So, the moms will go to lunch with each other when they’re in the same city, and when Izzy comes along, they’ll plan girls days with her (and sometimes Piper, if Piper also happens to be in town at that time), they’ll send each other birthday cards, and I think if Siren happened to be in Boston for whatever reason, she’d plan a night to see one of Carey’s shows and have dinner with her or something, etc etc But, the dads basically just see each other when they “have” to lol

Since I’m gonna talk about Zack’s relationship with Hen’s parents, I feel like I might as well talk about Hen’s relationship with Zack’s parents 😅🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I think Hen is a bit closer to Zack’s parents than Zack is to Henry’s parents. And it’s not like Zack hates Hen’s parents, or they hate him it’s just… I mean, it’s no secret that I despise the way adults act in Swellview, but it is what it is, and I don’t think it’s entirely unfair of me to say that Hen’s parents kind of “clocked out” when he was around, idk 17ish?? (and unfortunately it would be even easier to do that in this universe considering their kids live on a boat several months out of the year) Like, I don’t think they completely stopped being involved in Henry’s life but like, I don’t think they really learned about Zack until Henry was really serious about him and things like that

So, Zack gets along with them, but it’s basically because “these are Henry’s parents and I want them to like me because I love Henry” but he isn’t close with them. It’s just, they’re basically “the in-laws” ya know? The people that act as a babysitter for their kids when they need it and who visit every once in a while but that’s about it (he was SUPER nervous when he first met them, though) (it’s funny that i keep saying that, because he’s the least nervous person on the planet. he’s chill like, 99% of the time, we just happen to talk about the three times in is entire life where he was nervous) (but adults in general tend not to like him, and normally he wouldn’t care, but with Henry’s parents it was different, so he was just kinda anxious meeting them for the first time)

Okay, sorry to keep going off on tangents that feel unrelated to your question (although, I promise this one sort of circles back into it) but unfortunately you’ve made the mistake of letting me in the past but 😅😅 I do think Carey would both know Zack isn’t straight and that Henry is something other than a friend to him before Zack ever figures those things out himself, either from little “hints” she gets from her weekly calls with Cody (where he just makes an offhand comment that Zack’s spending ALL his time with that new kid, Henry) or from her monthly calls with Zack himself where the conversations slowly start to revolve around his new friend, Henry 🤣

So, it is not exactly breaking news to her when Zack eventually tells her that his relationship with Henry has kinda turned romantic lol and I say all that, to say that I think Carey would honestly like Henry before she ever even meets him because she can just tell how happy he makes Zack, and as crazy as it may sound, Hen’s a good influence on him (maybe not with the grades and school cause they’re both bad about that, but in other aspects of his life lmao) and ya know, once he gets past the whole “hating him” thing, he treats him well 🤣 so, there’s not really much more she could ask for when it comes to a partner for her son. Not only that, but even if it wasn’t obvious to her over the phone, she would see it when she actually saw them interacting together, because, even though Zack likes to pretend like he’s too “cool” for emotions (a persona that only exists in his own mind, btw) his feelings for Henry are written all over his face

(there is a conversation to be had about the fact that Carey’s personality in the original show was sort of “Mom first, person second” but like. Obviously her role was going to be Mom to Zack and Cody since they were twelve when the show first started and she’s literally their mother lmao but even in the case of London and Maddie, they would often turn to her for comfort or advice when they needed it, because she often acted as an older sister/motherly figure to them as well, so that was sort of the “energy” she gave off) So while Hen’s parents started pulling back when he’s at an age where he’s becoming independent and he’s about to start on his own life journey, I do think, at least subconsciously, he would notice that “absence” of a parental figure, so she eventually ends up filling that role whenever he’s comfortable enough around her. (she honestly is the type of mom that really wouldn't hesitate to take him in if he needed it; like if the roles were reversed, and it was Henry that ended up coming out to his parents by mentioning that he’s dating zack and they decided to be truly shitty and kick him out or whatever, she would make sure he had somewhere else to live because that’s just who she is) And I’ve honestly had it in my head that Henry started calling her Mom before he and Zack were ever engaged (but after they’ve been together for a few years and they’re living together, and it’s clear to basically everyone that this is a long haul thing lol) Like, it just slips out one day and he’s a little embarrassed by it and apologizing profusely but she thinks it’s sweet and she tells him he can call her that if he wants to. He doesn’t really jump into using it all the time right away, but over time it kinda happens more and more until that’s just,,, what he calls her.

And Henry gets along with Zack’s dad because Zack basically takes after his dad. Like, when he first met him, it just kinda clicked in his head that this is why Zack is the way that he is (not necessarily in a bad way). But like, in chapter 8 of DoD, there’s that scene where Jasper and Henry are going through Zack’s room, and Jasper finds all those CDs; it was always my HC that those CDs were given to him by his Dad because they share a similar taste, and there was an episode of the original show where his Dad gave him a vintage guitar (that I always assume belonged to Kurt first but idk for sure) and Zack was so excited and he knew the exact model, and I said this in Lizzie’s ask about her mechanic AU, but I always had an HC that Kurt gave Zack his old motorcycle as like, a christmas present one year when he was like, 19, that he was THRILLED about; so my long-winded point, is that they’re A LOT alike, so it just stands to reason (to me, anyway) that Henry gets along well with him.

Anyway, sorry for taking nine paragraphs to answer your very simple questions but 🤷🏻‍♀️

#nesha tag 🌻#zenry #also sorry if this is a little rambly or confusing in parts. my new meds are REALLY fucking with my head

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jaefmin · 3 years ago

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Talent hunt - J.JK

DKSDKLSD HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE <33

➳ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Female reader

➳ Genre: pure crack✨friends to lovers au, lil bit of fluff in the end, friend!jk, crack!jk, the oc's kinda talentless TUMBLR ADDICT OC FOR Y'ALL!

➳ Summary: Jungkook's filled with talents, just like your snack bowl. He can't believe it, that you do nothing except writing your articles. He wants to find it all in you, because he knows that you've got the energy. Read on to find out what happens between both these characters!!

➳ M.list

“I mean, you would have some specialty at least.” He pleaded, again. “I told you already, Jungkook, I don’t do anything.” You replied for the ninth time, sparks of hope left bursting inside you that he would stop. “It can’t be that way. Every person is special in some or the other way, I know you’ve got something.” Those sparks inside seemed to find their way down pretty quick. You found it pretty annoying, especially when he had to do this between your work. You tried to come up with some reply for him to stop. Once you’d tell him about it, he’d think over it and stop annoying you. After thinking for a while with Jungkook sitting in front of you with puppy eyes, you came up with one.

“Yes!! I have a specialty!!” You bursted out, and Jungkook’s face lit up with a bright smile. “Ha!! I knew it!! Told ya!!” His face lit up, excitement filled inside to know what it was. “There’s this site called tumblr, and it’s GOLD. I have a lot of mutuals over there and they’re the reason I’m alive right now. I’m pretty famous there.” Your chest widened at the amount of notes you had on your posts. Jungkook's expression seemed to change every word of your answer, before he came up with another question. “N-no, Social media-? I didn't mean that.. Any real talent? More of like, uhh sports? Drawing? I bet you’re good at drawing!! You’re that typical type with glasses and you’d look pretty good with a brush.” You doubted yourself earlier on calling Jungkook a crackhead, but it seems like you have to doubt yourself upon doubting Jungkook being a crackhead or not now. ‘It isn’t what it seems like, kook. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Jungkook, being back to the moody gen-z he is, rolled his eyes at your comment. “Come on girl!! Don’t be a mom! I know you’ve got this!” He hits you playfully while speaking, at you could have sworn, if he had just applied 🤏🏻 much more force, you would have gone flying ten feet away. “A MOM?!!? EXCUSE ME!?!?” Your tone didn't seem to satisfy him, “Alright, calm down smelly. Since, you’re think good at nothing, we’ll go through a list of things that I’m good at or I know, and then I’m pretty sure we’ll find a good quality from them that you have.” You knew the article you were writing wasn’t going to get anywhere. “One condition.” The man in front of you rolled his eyes once again, “Go on, mom.” You shot a death glare at him and that was all it took; his hands were up in the air, peace written all over his face. “You let me complete my work after we finish this.” Jungkook seemed surprised, “That’s all?” He pauses, “Duh, I’m doing this for you to feel good. I can stop right now if you say.” Being a person who wasn’t contended hurting others feelings, you replied “Alright then, let’s do it.”

He sat on the bed, and you followed him upon it. “Okay, so first question, how fast can you run?” He asks with curiosity. “Hmph, bold of you to think I even get up from my seat.” His eyebrows curl up, and you know that he’s saying something in his head about you, like you’re hindered. “So if you’re saying you don’t get up from your seat, do you only write articles all day?” He questions, “I just told you, you forgetful egg, I’m also on tumblr! And that, I’m telling you, it takes up more than half of my day.” You reminded him, and whenever the thought of tumblr came into your mind, you internally smiled at yourself. ”Jungkook seemed to be in deep thought, and again came up with a question. “Y/N! Yes! You write articles! That’s your speciality!! Your writing’s good!!” Your eyebrows shot up along with Jungkook’s and both of your eyes widened, you’ve come up with something! But the reason you were happy is that this long conversation finished, and you could finally get back to finishing your article. “Yes Jungkook!! That’s the good quality that I have!! So it’s done, we’re finished, and now I’m getting back to my work.” You got up from the bed, and were about to get back to your seat, when Jungkook caught your wrist.

“That’s only one quality Y/n!! I have a lot more things that I’m good at!! It can’t be only one!” You balled your hand into a fist, annoyance filling you up. You tried to calm yourself down instead of exploding right at Jungkook because he’s your friend and you do care about a person’s feelings. You turned, “I know! But I’m so sorry, koo!! I really have a lot of work right now, so mind if we keep this convo for later?” You asked, hoping this would lead to a finished article at the end. You knew this wasn’t getting anywhere, Jungkook would definitely want to continue. “But Y/n,” He placed both your hands in his, “You know you’ve been feeling unmotivated lately, right?” His voice deepened. “It is really important! We need to do this! I understand that your article’s important too, but your mental health should be given more importance. It’s alright if you lose your job, but health-” It’s funny how he makes you think about his duality in every conversation. Sure of the fact that even begging and falling to his feet won’t help in this situation, you intruded his speech. “I understand.” You pressed his hand, “Let’s dive into it!” You were pretty good at fake-smiling and the tone in your voice seemed quite believable, the sarcasm hidden behind. You took your seat on the bed in front of Jungkook. “That’s the Y/N I wanna see!!” You smiled at his innocence, and continued the conversation.

“So, what about any sport that you’re interested in? Maybe something like badminton, football, volleyball, or swimming?” Jungkook’s next question popped up, and it reminded you of the old days. “The last time I swam was when I was ten, because my elder brother accidentally pushed me into the water, and I almost drowned, and like everyone’s parents, even mines were triggered and they pushed me to learn swimming.” Another sarcastic reply made its way through your lips, Jungkook again bewildered by how unattached you are. “And well basketball, I used to like it, but then I almost broke my nose in a match, never found the courage to get back on the ground again. Jungkook was quick to reply, “That’s not called getting triggered, Y/N. They did it because that's gonna help you in some or the other way in future.” Your face went blank at his comment, “Who's being the mom now?” “N-No, I’m not-” Jungkook went red stuttering at every word. "Next thing we’re looking at is… reading! Do you like reading?” He immediately planned to change the topic, your face retaining the blank expression that’s always put on it. Did he just forget that you write articles? Still, boys don’t get these kinds of death glares or eye contacts girls make, so Jungkook stays clueless. His eyebrows furrow up, thoughts muddled up in his mind. After deep thinking for a while, Jungkook strikes. Proudness takes over you, you got yourself a friend who understands girls.

“Nevermind!! We’ll move on?” Your mouth flung open at his reply, a feeling of your hopes shooting to the sky but then immediately bursting out like a firework, sparks falling to the ground. Can someone really expect something from Jeon Jungkook? “I’ve run out of ideas Y/n..” He pouts sadly, and that’s the cue to your happiness. “Okay that’s great! Now I’m getting back to writing my article!” History repeats itself; you get up from the bed to be pulled back down again. Not being someone who can keep their feelings suppressed for a long time, you aim to bawl right at Jungkook, but before anything comes out of your mouth, he interrupts. “Just one more thing Y/n.” The extra amount of innocence spread on Jungkook’s face is something that anyone would give into, and personally you did find him attractive. The way he’s dressed looking all cuddly, you would give into his arms right this second if he asked to. Yes, you did dream about him every night before going to sleep, how fun it would be to have someone like him taking care of you. His duality is out of the question; there’s no one better than him. If it were for him, you’d leave the whole world and give into Jungkook’s arms, but the strings of life keep pulling you back towards them.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize how the time passed by, before you heard a couple snaps in front of your face. “Earth to Y/N???” Jungkook waved his hand in front of you a couple times, bringing you back to reality. Work can be postponed for this angel, just the way you’re punctual. You sat back down and placed your hands above Jungkook’s. He cleared his throat, straightened his back, and began. “Look, people like you, I mean, the ones interested in social media, glasses, look cuddly and cute like penguins,” Jungkook was good, but in some cases you couldn’t guarantee what he would come up with. “I bet you’ve had a boyfriend.” His statement caught you by surprise, your heart racing inside. You didn’t have the courage to reply to him, you are the least interested in opening up. It wasn’t a moment before Jungkook shot back at you, “I’ll tell you what type suits you.” Jungkook’s pretty much of a crackhead, but something urged you not to stop him. You wanted to know which perspective Jungkook looks at you with.

“I think your boyfriend would’ve loved your kisses. I have a feeling you’re a really good kisser, and you would often want cuddles from him. And yes,” He laughs, “You would be a wholesome of cute actions, and there’d be no one else who loved it more than him.” He booped your nose and finished, and not gonna lie, you could drool on him right now. His face was gleaming with compassion, eyes so deep you could drown in them. His lips curved into a tiny smile, the bunny teeth making their appearance. All you wanted to ever do was stay glued to him and keep on listening to those beautiful words that came out of his mouth. His eyes met yours and he leaned you in, a soft expression settling on his face as a stroke of sunlight passed through it. Jungkook continued asking further, “Can I kiss you?” His fingers gently stroked on your cheekbones and his eyes met yours. Faces not centimetres apart, both of your breaths tangled. You locked his lips with yours and gripped onto Jungkook’s neck, your sweet action making him give in. This is what you wanted, and this is what he wanted. You both stayed the same way for a while before separating.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

gon rb and then add the taglist beuase dumblr's mean </3

#kpop fics #jungkook #borthday special

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turniptrekking · 4 years ago

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the zodiac signs except its my dumbass friends

ARIES: they come in two flavors: anime geek who loves to scream and literally every teacher hates them, or super pure and probably an angel in disguise. if they’re the first variety then watch out. they have constant detentions although they’re super smart, and fails every class because they just don’t care. if they’re the second flavor, then they’re the pure one or the baby of the friend group. the whole group would protect them with their life. holds grudges for years though

TAURUS: another two flavors: either very arrogant and thinks they’re better than everyone else or a huge crowd pleaser and the most popular person at school. if it’s the first one, then they’re literally math geniuses. they pretend to hate you but secretly would do anything for you. such a sweetheart honestly, although they won’t give you answers on tests. if it’s the second one, they’re the popular kid who’s actually really nice to everyone. is sooooooooooooo kind to every person they mees, and overuses the word broski like crazy. an athlete, and eats all the snacks.

GEMINI: one main flavor: LOUD. they are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud and chatty, especially around the people they want to impress. always screaming and ships everyone in harry potter (which is why they’re best friends with cancer) they’re so loud omg my ears. really likes pockets and loves to dress up. bougie af and enjoys the finer things in life, although they have ZERO. MONEY. always steals money. you do NOT want to be their enemy, they know everything about everyone. BLACKMAIL!!!!!

CANCER: two flavors: one is very emotional and easily upset, and the other is super whiny. the first one needs everyone to be happy or else they can’t be happy. thinks electronics suck and that books are the way to go. sports geek. the other flavor however is glued to their phone 24/7 and reads wattpad during class. hates school and always whining about how their life is so hard when they can’t afford mcdonalds. also, rich but shares all the money with their friends. they’re best friends with gemini because they both like expensive things, and they both obsess over fanfiction.

LEO: one major flavor: has a different personality for every person they meet. is the type to give candy to everyone in class for valentines day, even people they don’t like. very popular, and says “broooooooooooo” all the time. really smart but hates school like aries. very sexual, always talking about their ass. will literally slam their head into a pole for 20 dollars because they spent all their money on shoes. hates people who spend too much, but that’s exactly what they are.

VIRGO: one main flavor: sweetheart. kids a lot, always making jokes about his friends, but they have the best intention. if you need something from them, they’ll always listen to what you have to say and do their best. popular, cool, calm, and a major athlete. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT. there, i said it. so attractive and everyone knows it, but they all tease them about it. the type to remember your birthday and go out of their way to bake a cupcake just for you to make you feel special.

LIBRA: one major flavor: scary as hell. will “curb stomp a hoe” in their own words. will literally blow you for money and attracts everyone. heartbreaker, they’ll play with your heart and stomp it on the floor. slacker, but one with style. passionate about the things they love. great actor, because they dramatic af. the type to watch crime shows for HOURS. date night = sky diving. super daring and a matchmaker, ships all their friends

SCORPIO: so many flavors, four at the top of my head. one of them is a total dumbass, but such a sweet person. failing every class but everyone loves them because they’re so kind. “it’s not a phase it’s a lifestyle” they say after eating the 90th chicken nugget. another is SUPER smart, child einstein. nice, but you can’t really have a convo with them because they’re too busy planning how to end global warming by themselves. probably speaks at least 5 languages. another is a total psycho, watches porn constantly and a horny little bitch. anime hoe and is super scary to people who don’t know them. tough love, always yelling at people but secretly loves them. the last one is quiet and soft spoken. sweet, kind and loves their friends

SAGITTARIUS: three flavors: super smart and will literally correct you if f you make the smallest mistake, throws their degrees in your face. “its OFFEN, not OFF-TEN” same energy as “its leviOsa, not LEviosAaAaaa” another is a major athlete and class clown. all the teachers hate them but all the students love them, they make the class that much more fun. the third one is so much fun to be around but so chaotic. will send memes at two am usually followed by “UBOUBEUVOBEOVB” super sarcastic which makes them great friends with pisces, who is also extra af

ill finish this up soon, probably next monday :)

#zodiac signs #zodiac memes #zodiac #zodiac stuff #zodiac shit #imbored

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me / when the band plays your song / i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''love goes on and on (feat. amy lee)'' by lindsey stirling

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years ago

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Ok so first of all, idk what those anons are saying, but I think you're not just a fantastic writer, but you're also an incredible person in general! I'm so glad you're able to look past those cruel words and know your worth. By refusing to respond, you have taken away all of their power and I commend you for it.

Now that I've got that off my chest, I can get back to our convo. 😊

I'm just saying, it was like, 3 weeks instead of a month. You gotta give me credit for that. 😄 But yeah, life's a little crazy for us all sometimes and it just happened to be my turn.

120 Euros is insane! And some of them are more!? Here I just have to sign up on a website and pick a time. I had to drive an hour to get one the day of once, but it was worth it. I can only imagine how tough that would be. I would be so nervous if I got sick. I actually haven't caught a cold this year which I'm not sure how that's possible because I'm usually sick a lot and I'm super thankful.

Wait... You're telling me I actually have to take the advice I give? 😅 Lol, so I've started writing my response about 4 times now (I'm easily distracted) but it's been kind of nice because I drink water every time just to be able to say I did.

I haven't heard of that author before! I'll have to put them on my never ending reading list.

Omg, I am absolutely dying at how into this search you are. Don't think I didn't see your bio. 😂 I love how Tumblr is in on it too. Why yes Gina. Tis me, your subconscious. 🤣🤣🤣

Except for I actually am giving you clues, they're just super subtle and you've gotta read between the lines. If you look closely, I've actually answered both of those questions. 😉 (If you still can't figure it out I'll answer them but I wanna see if you can tell by looking at my previous messages)

Also, I think it's only fair that if we're talking about me, I wanna learn more about you too! What's your favorite movie?

Omg you got me! I'm definitely E.T. How'd you guess!? -⭐

P.S. One of these days I'm gonna trip up and forget to flip the anon switch so you'll certainly figure it out one way or another. 😉

My little star is back 💖!!

Awww, the amount of love I have for you is overwhelming and I don’t even know who you are. 🥺 Don’t you worry, I don’t let people bring me down, I’m way too proud for that. 😂 And I completely get that people’s life turn chaotic so I’m just glad you are back. 💖

Pounds, not euros, but yes, it’s not cheap. 😁 Healthcare in the UK is free, but the prescriptions and this particular test aren’t. It’s not that bad if you think about the fact that you don’t have to pay for further treatment because it’s free. What do you mean you are usually sick a lot? You mean catching a cold and stuff, not more serious kind, right?

Wait... You're telling me I actually have to take the advice I give?

That loud snort I let out when I read that. 😂 No, you don’t have to take them, they are just hanging in the air for the fun of it. 😂 I’m glad you are drinking enough in the end, my slippers are always ready to teach you a lesson. 😁

I really was hoping you would see my bio! I really am invested in this quest of finding out who you are and tumblr doesn’t seem to want to help! 🤣 I have a confession to make. I even have a post in my drafts which I planned to post if you haven’t showed up soon. Here is a screenshot of the title 😂

Also it’s 4am here and I’m reading through all of our conversations from the very beginning when you messaged me about Shadowhunters. You are a bad influence, but let’s get started, because no, I don’t want to talk about me, I am ready to find out who you are! 😂

It will be long, so click on that keep reading button if it shows up. Sometimes it doesn’t 😂

What I know about you so far; Shadowhunters edition

You like Clary because she has flaws.

In your opinion Simon is the best character.

Book!Alec is your least favourite character.

You think Jonathan and Valentine were ok villains, but not the best.

You are a sucker for Jace.

Izzy is also one of your other favourites and you hate the Yin fen plot mostly because it led to Rizzy and a toxic relationship.

You also love Max and we agreed that COG is taboo and we preferred the series version.

What I know about you so far; Personal edition

You are adorable

You are mysterious

You are sweet - and now let’s get started 💖😂

6 days ago you wrote; the new semester has started

You are hoping you'll be able to read and interact a little more

You love my nickname for you 🙈💖

You only kind of take care of yourself; Let me get my slipper! 😅

You are on a campus where people make food for you when you actually get your backside out of the room 😂

You are doing a research project on landing mechanics in a specific sport; This is where I thought I knew who you were. Then you destroyed it by saying; You are majoring in science and you like testing and analyzation 🙈

You are considering a career in research one day which will be beneficial for your grad school application; This is where you got me confused. 😅 If you are to apply to grad school, that means you are doing your undergraduate degree now, which means you are supposed to be over 18 😂 But here we just call it University so I’m not 100% sure about what grad school is 😂Or are you in college which could be from the age of 16 and that’s before grad school too 😅

You have to get tested constantly at your school

You have never seen Ben Barnes in anything and we haven’t talked about him until now

You got 2 assignments in one class 😂

You take long to decide what to read, as in physical books so you end up reading fanfic instead!

You feel like a spy as my anon 🤣

You are not an AI, but you are an Alien, ET to be exact 😅 and you are building a rocket ship to fly back to your planet

You keep sending me to drink water, but you don’t take your advice!!!

We talked a few times in different places; How is that a clue?! 😂

You get easily distracted

You get sick a lot; I don’t like the sound of that!

You never heard of J.R. Ward

So in conclusion,

Do I follow you? Haven’t found the answer to that, but since you said we have talked here and there, I assume I do.

Are you a minor or over 18+? If my assumptions about grad schools are correct then you are doing your undergrads now so yes, 18+.

Did I get any closer to who you are? No!

Why? Because this “I’m majoring in science” threw me off completely 🙈 My one solid lead disappeared into thin air... bye bye Sherlock Holmes, welcome Dumb and Dumber 😅

Did I just spend 1 hour replying to this, searching for all the clues and now I’m going to bed at 5am just because I’m so determined in my quest? You bet, I did 🤣

Also from the way you talk/write, I get US vibes. Probably I’m incorrect but oh well 😅

Now can you please give me a solid clue? I’m begging you! 🤣💖 Maybe the first letter of your first name or your exact age, maybe a birthday so I can completely ignore that one clue in my head? Doesn’t matter which one, but at least one, pretty please 😁

#Heloise's inbox #⭐ anon

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uncloseted · 4 years ago

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1/2

1/2 Hi. I think I could use some help, I'll try to make this short. When I was 14yo (I'm 20 now) I dated a 18yo guy, thank God we were taking it slow and never made things official. Now that I'm older I can see that relash was rlly wrong. He was manipulating, used me to boost his ego, forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable doing and I think although we weren't official, he cheated on me? (more on that later). After a few months of fooling around, I found out something about him that I didn't like and confronted him about it, with the intention of ending that relash. He started begging me not to leave him, asking me tricky questions about the things I had heard of him with the intention of "making me realize" he did nothing wrong, and he even became violent with the person who told me those things, to the point I couldn't break up with him because I was scared. I just stopped answering his texts and calls because I was afraid of even talking to him and eventually he took the hint and suggested we broke up. We decided to stay friends, but that only lasted a few days, because one day, via Facebook Messenger, he suggested we got back together and I rejected him, so he blocked me. Months later, I had to close my Facebook due to harassment (not related to him) and opened a new one. Facebook showed me his profile in 'people you may know' and I decided to peek out of curiosity. Turns out, the moment we broke up, he started uploading photos with his new girlfriend. The descriptions of those pics said the exact same things he used to tell me, and I ain't good a math but I did some calcs and he had to be with her while still being with me lmao. I really didn't care, I was just happy I got rid of him, and I moved on with my life. Some time later I fell head over heels for a guy from my workplace, who I still hold close to my heart. I have trust issues and I am a very private person, especially with my relashs, so I didn't tell anyone about this guy except from like 3 friends. One of them was a girl (that we'll call Anne) who was like a sister to me, and was also friends with my ex. Over the next 2 years I had a relash with this guy, everytime I talked to Anne I used to tell her more details about my relash. Then, one day, I got a text from my ex. He texted me like we were besties and nothing had ever happened between us, like he didn't block me TWICE (yeah, he blocked me from my new Facebook too even though I never tried to reach out to him). I was angry at his nerve and told him so, he realized I was upset and changed his persona from confident and tough as nails to regretful and soft, telling me he was sorry for being so immature all those years before, but excusing his shitty behavior by saying he always "kept an eye on me". Um, wtf? He told me he was always asking stuff about me to Anne, looking out for me. I wanted to know what exactly he knew, but, trying to manipulate me again, he said he would only tell me if I accepted to play a game with him: I could ask him one question if he would ask me one in exchange and so on, and we had to be ttly honest with each other. I really didn't wanna get into his shenanigans but I only had one question (wtf do u exactly know about me, creep?) so I accepted. He asked his question first (dID u fEeL sAd wHeN i bLoCkEd U?) and I asked mine. I thought he maybe knew something about my school stuff and MAYBE that I had been dating someone else. Turns out he knew every. single. detail about my personal life. Not only he KNEW I was with other guy...

2/2 Not only he KNEW I was with other guy. He knew his entire name, the school he attended and every little detail from our relationship and other stuff about my personal life. Every single thing I told Anne, opening my heart to her, she told him. I felt terribly violated. I felt like a dissected frog, open for anyone to see my most inner parts. I felt ashamed, unprotected, sad and angry, all at the same time. I told him what he did was disgusting, to never reach me again or try to "keep an eye on me", and that I would make that job easier for him by getting Anne out of my life. He apologized, said he understood the situation, would respect my wishes, and wished me a happy life. I thought that was it. It took me a while but I got to heal, to feel safe again, although I still have a hard time trusting my friends. But I was wrong. Months later he sent me a Friend Resquest. I was a lil afraid, but tried to calm myself saying he probably just was checking if I was still upset, so I rejected the request and again convinced myself that was really it. But then he sent some girls to take pictures of me during my high school graduation ceremony and recently, his cousin (who was my friend when we were 14 but haven't talked since) texted me. I know that sometimes nostalgia makes you reach out to old friends, but we weren't close at all. Besides, he acted super weird, didn't even try to make small talk or let the convo flow naturally, but went straight for super specific and weird questions: are you studying college? what are you doing with your life? are you in a relationship? I was really weirded out and considered the possibility he may have been asking all those things because my ex asked him to do so, so I kept my answers short and vague, not giving him the info he wanted, and although I def came out as cutting, he kept asking. I tried to still be friendly because I didn't wanna seem paranoid, but I think he realized I wasn't telling him anything over texts, so he asked me to meet again over some beers with his friends on October 27th and that's when I stopped answering. I thought about that strange invitation for a few days until it hit me: October 27th is my ex's birthday. So much about respecting my wishes. I spent the rest of that month really nervous that cousing would try to reach out again, but nothing happened and I started to feel calmed again. Until, in November, he wrote me again, this time asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with his friends. I haven't even bother to open that text. Since them, I've been super paranoid. I know my ex's attacks aren't that consecutive (more like every two years: he contacted me and sent me that friend request when I was 16, hijacked my graduation at 18 and now sends his cousin at 20) but I can't help but think he's always there "keeping an eye on me" and planning his next move. I stopped accepting any friend requests because I'm afraid he will send someone for me, and if someone I already have on my friend list but idk texts me and after some small talks asks me about my life, I get paranoid and ask them why they wanna know and if they have some hidden intentions. Also, there's a mall near his house, and everytime I have to go there to buy something, I feel like crying because I'm afraid I'll stumble with him. I probably sound crazy. Some people may think I'm exaggerating and I should just let my ex stalk me and act all obsessed, but I feel dirty everytime I think about him knowing my personal stuff. It was just so traumatizing the first time. Do you get me? I feel like nobody gets me. Please help me, what can I do? I don't know how to make him stop, I'm tired of living in fear.

Not to start this off with an unrelated thought, but when did Tumblr get rid of its character limit on asks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it let someone send in a message this long in one ask.

To get to your situation, I can definitely see why this would be a stressful and uncomfortable situation for you. The first thing I would do is to stop interacting with your ex and people related to your ex. You don’t owe his cousin anything. Block both of their numbers, block their social media accounts, etc., and do that for everyone else who’s friends with your ex (or put them on limited profile/create a “close friends” list on social media). Tell all of your friends in no uncertain terms that you don’t want them talking about you to your ex, even if it’s stuff that seems harmless, and cut those people off if they do talk to your ex about you.

The other action you could take is to file a restraining order. If you go down that route, you’ll have to fill out some forms and file them with the court, and then have a hearing with a judge where you explain your situation. Then, you’ll have a second appearance in court where the stalker is present, and you both get the opportunity to explain the situation. The judge will then determine the final order and the conditions of that order. It can be a bit of an involved process, but it may give you some peace of mind.

The last thing I would suggest is going to therapy. It seems like you’ve been through something traumatic, and a mental health professional can help you to work through that and move on from it. There are many options for therapy, both online and in-person. If you have health insurance, your insurance should cover at least some therapy sessions. If not, some therapists provide services on a sliding-scale, and online services like BetterHelp can be less expensive than traditional therapy.

#Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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teefa85 · 5 years ago

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Ah, well, I think I’ll post this fic before I forget. I realized that, in my first team (which is the only one I seem to have inspiration for I swear!), the trio of characters all lost their mothers. Kevin and Riesz both are motivated somewhat by their lost mothers (with Kevin thinking he can find her since Gauser lied about her death and Riesz raises Elliot for the sake of her late mother). Meanwhile, considering that convo of Hawkeye’s I posted the other day, he might have some hangups over being an orphan himself. Yeah, I wrote this before learning of that fact, but it was still something I was going to use in some Hurt/Comfort scenario that I’d yet to figure out so I included it!

I did debate whether Riesz should know Gauser’s name, as Kevin just calls him “King” all the time, but as my other fic has established Alma told her some stories of the Heroes events I figured she might have mentioned that.

---

Riesz leaned over the railings, looking below at the citizens of Palo. The children were running and laughing as they played tag, just happy that the scary bad guys had gone away. One little girl, who had been injured in the initial invasion, was a bit slower than the rest, however she was no less joyous than her peers.

‘Children really are resilient,’ mused the Amazon princess. ‘I hope Elliot is okay…wherever those fiends have taken him…’

Just then, the little girl’s mother called her in for dinner. She turned back to her friends, giving them a goodbye before running back to her home. Her mother hugged her, full of relief to know that her child was healthy once more.

“What are you watching?” asked a cheerful male voice.

Riesz turned around and saw both Hawkeye and Kevin walking up to her. The latter was holding several skewers of fish, one of which had a huge bite taken out of it. He offered one to each of his companions, which they readily took. As Riesz leaned against the wall, enjoying her food, she saw Hawkeye move to stand on her right and Kevin to her left.

“Well?” her thief friend continued. “What were you watching?”

She stated, “The children of town. I’m just happy we were able to bring smiles back to their faces. Sure, it was important for me to retake Laurent as its princess. But it was even more important to protect the people from whatever Belladonna was planning.”

Hawkeye nodded. “Yes. Seeing what that woman did in Nevarl, and with what Niccolo told us, there’s no denying she’s pure evil! I’m happy we at least got her out of your home.”

“And we’ll make sure to save yours as well,” added Riesz.

He thanked her, then took a look over the railing himself. The other kids were now all running along home as well, laughing as they went. Some were giving their mothers large hugs, others trying to play it cool but clearly happy that she was around. The young thief felt a pang of loneliness, tinged with the blurry images of a woman he could not quite remember…

“Is that what a mother is like?” questioned Kevin as he too looked down. “I don’t remember mine. Left, when I was just a baby.”

His words shocked Riesz. “What? Oh, Kevin! I didn’t know…”

“King must have made her flee. But…don’t know why,” was the young beastman’s reply.

She didn’t pry further on that, having already been told of how strict Beast King Gauser was with his young son. If Kevin was told his mother fled, it was no surprise he believed it to be his father’s fault. But as she had no knowledge of that situation herself, Riesz decided to not try and speculate further. All she could do was offer support.

“Well, a good mother is kind and gentle to her children,” Riesz told him. “She’s patient with their problems, and always willing to listen. She’ll teach them whatever she knows and is happy when her children are healthy and strong.”

Though, at the same time, she had to wonder if she had been that way with Elliot, or if she had made mistakes along the way. Would having been a better mother had kept him from being tricked into turning off Laurent’s wind? What would her mother say about the job she’d done…?

Kevin stated, “I wonder…did Mother want to bring me? Did King prevent her from doing it?”

While she had no idea if that were true or not, Riesz told him, “I believe she would have brought you if she could. After all, you are a kind and gentle individual despite the world you were born into. Your mother’s love must have affected you, even if you cannot remember her…”

Hawkeye was half listening as he stared out across the ocean before them. ‘A mother’s love, eh? I wonder…what was mine like? Is there any of her in me…?’

It seemed Riesz had noticed the pensive look on his face as she reached out to put a gentle hand upon his shoulder. Hawkeye looked at her and gave a small smile. Riesz just had this way of calming people down with her kind heart. Not only that, but she was a mighty warrior, stronger than many of the men he’d known in Nevarl!

“Do you have a mother, Hawkeye?” asked Kevin in a curious voice.

He shook his head. “Not that I can remember…my folks died when I was really little. All I know was that Lord Flamekhan found me and took me in shortly after. He never gave me any details about what happened to them or why he was in the area…”

“I’m sorry…,” whispered Riesz.

The young thief told her that it was okay. That he was used to not having a mother, so it didn’t bother him that much. However, despite those words, his voice was a bit less upbeat than usual. Even Kevin, whose feral upbringing left him not the best with people, could tell that Hawkeye was not being honest about his words.

Riesz knew arguing with him would be pointless. Maybe he really was fine, but the atmosphere was making him seem sad instead. Maybe pretending it was all okay was just how Hawkeye coped with his feelings. If that were the case…she could relate. There were a number of times she had to hold on to a positive attitude when a reminder of Queen Minerva had come up. And there were some years she had trouble getting through Elliot’s birthday without tears…

“I lost my mother young too,” she finally admitted. “She died bearing my brother…” With those words, she held up her left wrist to show them her ribbon. “This is a precious keepsake that she left me, along with the duty of caring for Elliot…”

Kevin asked, “So, it doesn’t hurt any less when you knew her?”

“No, it just means that instead of questions, I have memories that were once happy but now make me sad to think about,” was her reply.

Kevin paused for a slight moment, as if to process her words. But then suddenly brought both of his friends in a large hug! It happened so fast that Riesz ended up hitting her head on Hawkeye’s upper torso! Not that hard, thankfully. But it was still enough to dye her face red!

“We’re alike,” Kevin exclaimed. “We may not have mothers, but we have each other! We support each other in this.”

A small laugh escaped Hawkeye’s mouth. His friend sure had a positive outlook on life, despite what a harsh environment he must have grown up in. Then again…that wasn’t so different from Hawkeye himself when he thought a bit deeper.

For Riesz, however, the thought of others who she could open up to about her feelings was liberating. She never wanted to burden her father, who also missed his late wife greatly. Nor could she talk to Elliot out of fear of making him feel guilty for her death, even though it was not his fault. But with her friends, she felt she had people who could understand…

“Maybe this is a conversation better left for the privacy of the Inn,” she told the two. “After all, who knows who could be listening in out in the open…?”

Kevin released the other two from the hug, and Riesz took both boys’ hands. They needed a good night’s rest before sailing back to Beiser. They would have plenty of time to talk then, as well as when they were on the ship itself.

#trials of mana #fanfiction #don't worry hawkeye...you are very much like your ma

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋

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